Stop Comparing: Challenging Self-Love Standards on Social Media and Beyond

As we find ourselves at the end of yet another long semester at Cornell, we also test the promises we upheld to ourselves at the beginning of the year. For example, did you promise to overcome procrastination and lock in this semester? Did you tell yourself, it’s 2026, the year you will finally achieve all our ambitious resolutions?

While setting these goals are vital, many tend to lose themselves in the mountains of homework and the undue pressure we’re under daily. So what’s the point of productivity if we so readily abandon ourselves in the process? Instead of harboring toxic productivity, what if we spend this semester getting to know, accept and finally love ourselves?

Self-love is about knowing yourself at your core and embracing it unconditionally. Unfortunately, in the age of social media, self-love has grown synonymous with self-care. In reality, self-care consists of routine steps taken to preserve our physical bodies. Influencers combine self-loving practices with excessive consumerism and submission to relentless fads that, in reality, only promote self-care. 

Far too many social media personalities tout self-love through expensive skin-care rituals, weekly beauty appointments and making unnecessary purchases. And, as chronically dysregulated Cornell students who are knee-deep in constant comparison, we easily fall victim to this. 

This murky idea of self-love is weaponized, capitalizing on our insecurities and on our lack of self-love. When we believe we are doing something to promote self-love, something for ourselves, we are really just falling victim to vicious marketing schemes.

Self-love has morphed into a feeling that slips away the second you miss a self-care ritual or bomb a prelim. Basing self-love on comparison, conformity or consumer goods is utterly unsustainable, although comparison is the Cornellian way. This never-ending task pushes many into a cycle of breaking promises to themselves and ultimately neglecting self-care.

But, without loving yourself, your actions grow meaningless. This begs the question: How can we approach life from a place of love if we are always trying to change ourselves? How can we love ourselves if we are fighting to fit a mold?

Self-love should be entirely personal. Given the fabricated approaches online, it’s all too easy to lose sight of ourselves in the process of fulfilling someone else’s conceptualization of who we are.

Here are my four tips for practicing unconditional self-love to try this semester: 

1. Don’t fight. Flow.

On my lowest days, David Goggins toxic TikTok audios reverberate in my mind, and I find myself feeling guilty for breathing if it’s not in the name of self-improvement. Actor Will Smith has also proudly claimed, “I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period.”

To these celebrities, self-love is based on extrinsic confidence and on intensely controlling your life by  overworking your body. Smith and Goggins promote competition to feel validated and hustle yourself into burnout. But, you don’t need to control every action and show up as the best version of yourself every single moment. You don't have to fight your fatigue to stay up later than your roommate studying. Your body should be protected, not an inconvenience to your competition with peers.

When you trust yourself, you’ll stop battling your body and what it needs. That’s when you can begin to love yourself more: you can let go, flow through your busy day and return to a sunset on Libe Slope to reflect on your opportunities as a Cornellian.

1. Show up with unapologetic authenticity.

Here’s a harsh truth you must accept: You may never feel worthy of being at Cornell, and copying an influencer’s wellness routine won’t cure your crippling imposter syndrome. Instead, you will find yourself in a ferocious cycle of being a self-improvement project, always needing to ‘fix’ something else. This makes joy feel temporary, leading you to the next problem within you to ‘solve.’ 

Instead of chasing the next issue, show up for yourself with authenticity. Don’t conform to your Instagram feed or compare yourself to the other people around you on campus, but question what will fill you with excitement in that moment. Do just that, unrepentantly.

1. Stop buying, start living.

If you lack genuine excitement in your life you may often feel the debilitating itch to purchase ‘just one more item.’ That, ladies and gentlemen, is the overconsumption effect exploited by social media that comes with the void you may feel by ordering unnecessary, expensive items.

Instead, try adding more excitement to your day: Go on a spontaneous mid-week Target run or take a more scenic route to class. Relish the abundant opportunities that surround you at Cornell. Take the time to slow down and take in the life that can be lived at such a busy institution with totality. In the process, you just may discover more about yourself and the passions that drove you here.

1. Enjoy silence and solitude.

Thanks to chronic social media consumption, the moment we end up in a bit of silence, we rush to fill the void with a blaring TikTok audio or a mildly stimulating Netflix show.

If you are conforming to someone else’s definition of contentment and self-love, you’ll never know yourself. Realistically, how can you love someone you don’t know? And how can you ever know yourself if your mind is consumed by trending audios, mediocre music and irresistible fads?

You can begin to refute this by focusing on things that get you off social media. Spend time by yourself, exploring new parts of your mind daily. Grab lunch at Morrison Dining alone without watching a show or ride the TCAT without doomscrolling. Whatever you do, choose to remain present with your thoughts and on campus.

It is very easy to feel lonely on a campus like Cornell, but you can begin to close that gap if you wholeheartedly know and love the person you’re with: your true self.

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