Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Art of Predestined Failure: Friends With Benefits

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Urban Dictionary, a “crowdsourced online dictionary for slang words and phrases,” defines friends with benefits as:

Two friends who trust each other enough to engage in sexual activity without fear of hurting the other’s feelings. Ideal scenario for folk who are not interested in a serious relationship… Not a boyfriend or girlfriend; neither party has to refrain from dating other people. … A smart alternative to random hook-ups. (Urban Dictionary)

I have some problems with this definition and am here to deduce why “friends with benefits” is a system set up for failure, designed to fuel its own demise. I am a victim of failed friends with benefits relationships, and this is my story.

Columns

GUEST ROOM | Pre-Enrollment Pandemonium

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As the semester comes to a close, springtime means many different things for a Cornellian; magnolia blossoms, the first warm day on the slope, students lounging on the quad for the first time since fall, etc. Unfortunately, spring also brings about one of the most anxiety-filled mornings of the entire term: pre-enrollment for the following semester. In terms of anxiety, this year’s pre-enrollment has been no different. There are seemingly limitless hurdles that the average Cornell student must jump over to even begin building a schedule on the morning of pre-enrollment, and in my circle alone it feels like I’ve heard it all: capped waitlists, unexpected prerequisite errors, access codes that were promised but never delivered. God only knows what other barriers to entry Cornell has let loose upon its student body.

Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | Fornicating on 4/20

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As many readers may know, today marks a sacred holiday for much of the Cornell community: April 20th; devil’s lettuce day; hashish holiday; 4/20. Whether the holiday originates from a group of juvenile delinquents in California, from celebration of the passing of a medical marijuana bill by the senate or a sneaky play on a police code to signal youth marijuana use, it is on this sacred day that those choosing to indulge light up in unison — at 4:20 PM — to celebrate their beloved psychoactive stimulant. It is a beautiful day of togetherness, community and of course, getting as high as a kite when you should be in class. To honor this revered holiday — and for the purposes of this column — I am using today to unpack the multitude of ways weed manifests itself during 4/20 fornication. From the dissociate to the giggler, here are all of the different options you should be prepared for should you choose to get spicy on the 20th of April.

Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | To Screw or Not To Screw (In the Stacks)

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Today I write with a confession of my own naivety, willing to admit that despite my self-proclaimed breadth of knowledge regarding Cornell’s sexscape, there is one element of our campus’ sensual situation that I have critically overlooked: I did not realize that people were actually fucking in the stacks.

Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | Vagina Talk

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I was lucky enough to have a mother who I, for the most part, felt comfortable asking questions to and sharing concerns with. Not everyone was as fortunate as I was, and I imagine the emotional labyrinth of puberty and self acceptance was even more difficult for them. Now that I’m pretty much past the fear and confusion part of “blossoming into a woman” (or so I hope), I want to use my experience to address some of the more stigmatized questions that I wish someone had answered for me, or that I had felt comfortable enough to ask.

Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | Lions and Tigers and Sex Toys, Oh My!

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If waltzing into an adult outlet and buying the skimpiest pair of lingerie and a 12-inch strap-on makes someone happy, so be it. If waiting until marriage makes you feel more confident and secure in yourself, do it! Orgies? Not for me, but wonderful for anyone who desires them.

Uncategorized

SEX ON THURSDAY | Everyone’s Mom Has Seen My Vibrator

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Let’s rewind: the year is 2019 and I’ve been sexually active, much to my best friend’s knowledge, for almost exactly two years. We’re sprawled out on the floor of my childhood bedroom, wine drunk on Barefoot’s Peach Fruitscato, praying my parents don’t overhear our inebriated conversation. Somehow the topic of vibrators presents itself, and it comes out that I’ve never owned nor used one of the magical machines (I’m not sure how the logistics of using without owning would work).