Overheard Dec. 4: 'That was after the teen pregnancy phase, right?'

Dude eating a sugar cookie: I don’t think I’d wanna have sex with anything that has claws!

— North Campus

(Two girls, walking in from the snow)
Disgusted female athlete: Oh my god, I’m, like, totally, like, dripping wet!
Sympathetic friend: Yeah, I know, like, snow is, like, only half water!

— Bartels

Helpful Cornellian: Well, just go outside, strangle a small squirrel and get back in there.
Stressed-out Cornellian: That’s the best advice I’ve ever heard!

— Arts Quad

Fratstar on thursday night: So then I opened the door. And suddenly I realized … I wasn’t at a bachelor party, I was at a sweet 16!

— Asian Noodle House

Obstinate girl: I think babies are cute, but that doesn’t mean I want to fuck them!

— Thurston Ave.

Overheard Nov. 20: "Yeah, I was still sucking when it flew out."

(While rock climbing in New Hampshire)

Climber Guy: … So the archaeopteryx was, like, the link between dinosaurs and birds.
Climber guy’s Girlfriend: So it could fly, right?
Climber Guy: Well, I don’t know but I would guess so.
Climber guy’s Girlfriend: The real question is could the pterodactyl fly?
Climber Guy: No way ­— of course it couldn’t!
Climber guy’s Girlfriend: Well it had wings …
Climber Guy: All I know is that the pterodactyl had bones.

— Base of cliff

Aggie: Yeah, I still gotta bleed my pig so I can do some assays.

— Vet School

Guy 1: Why were you looking for “the penis soliloquies?”
Guy 2: It’s just a site I like to go to!
— Collegetown

(At 1 a.m. on a Thursday night)

Overheard: Hey, my dad should sleep with your mom, they're both loud snorers!

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State St. Diner Waitress: She’s about as useful as tits on a nun.
— State Diner

Flamboyant Boy on Cell: I need to black out tonight. I totally deserve it.
— Outside Olin Library

Math Lecturer: So I can do orthogonal vectors in 2-D … I can’t do it in 3-D … Not without being obscene anyways …
— Engineering Quad

Rebel Freshman: I slept through my first class today … I feel like a badass …
— Goldwin Smith

(In line for the Decemberists tickets)
Exasperated Girl: And so I was home over the weekend, and my sisters were back home as well, which I’m not used to. It was like when we were growing up, except now we’re huge, and I had to sleep with my mom!