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Overheard 10-9: "It’s hard to argue that St. Paul didn’t hate lustful butt sex."

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Sick lacrosse player 1: Dude this song is sick who’s it by?
Sick lacrosse player 2: Hoobastank, bro.
Sick lacrosse player 1: Nice man, we should put this on the warm up, it’s getting me pumped up.
Sick lacrosse player 2: Yea I know. It makes me want to smash my head through a concrete wall.
— Mac’s

Annoyed girl: Get the fucking dick ring off the fucking printer.
— State St.

Frat guy: So what did you end up doing last night?
Obnoxious jock: I blacked out and woke up in Dickson.
— Central Campus

Confused Boy: I contacted my sponsor for that program, and get this: Her favorite TV show is Friends, and she was on the women’s soccer team. So we have a lot in common.
— Becker Dining Hall

Overheard

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Sexually-active Girl: I feel like there’s something in my uterus.
Responsible Friend: Uh-oh, that’s not good …
Sexually-active Girl: NO, not like that … I feel like I have penis stuck inside me!
— Arts Quad
Freshman 1: It says 98 right there!
Freshman 2: Dude, you can’t trust technology, that’s how robots will take over the world.
— North Campus
Fashion designer 1: O.M.G., look at this super cute apartment I found in downtown Paris. I mean we’re paying like $700 a month here in Ithaca, so like 13,000 Euros is like $900/mo, right?
Fashion designer 2: O.M.G. I can’t wait!!!
— MVR
Skinny white boy to friend:
Dude, I should have took that free ride to University at Miami … I would be tan … muscular … and loose women everywhere.
— Tower Road

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Catch It: Sept. 25 – Oct. 2

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Thurs. 9/25:
Quick: what two liquids come to mind when you think of the Middle East? Blood and Oil, of course! They also happen to make up the title of Jeremy Earp’s documentary investigating America’s addiction to the latter and its investment in the former. Journalist Michael T. Klare, whose work inspired the film, speaks at the showing, tonight at 7 p.m. at Cornell Cinema.
Ever wonder about those strangely homoerotic overtones in Shakespeare’s Sonnets? The English Department’s weekend Shakesqueer Conference kicks off today with a talk by Emory University’s Jonathan Goldberg entitled “Samson Uncircumsised.” Stop by the HEC Auditorium in Goldwin Smith at 4:30 p.m. and get your mind blown.
Friday 9/26:

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Professor Playlist: Professor Barry Maxwell

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Because we were short on ideas, we decided to steal an idea from Daze past. And so we bring you Professor Playlist — a reoccurring mini-feature that will let you know what music your professors are listening to, when they aren’t edumucating. First up: Professor Barry Maxwell, senior lecturer in Comparative Literature and American Studies, shared some of his favorite songs with us:

Mississippi Fred McDowell, “Shake ’Em On Down”
Louis Armstrong, “Tight Like That”
Fletcher Henderson, “Chinatown, My Chinatown”
Sun Ra, “Priest”
Thelonious Monk, “Solitude,” “Crepuscule with Nellie” (and everything else)
Archie Shepp and Jeanne Lee, “Blase”
The Art Ensemble of Chicago with Fontella Bass, “Theme de YoYo”
Roscoe Mitchell, “Song for My Sister”

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Catch It: Sept. 18 – Sept. 23

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Thursday, 9/18:
Oscar Wilde’s famously funny farce, The Importance of Being Earnest, is premiering at the Schwartz Center at 7:30 p.m. Student tickets are $8, general tickets are $10. In case you’re still debating, Dame Judi Dench gave it two thumbs up.
Sexy writer alert: Patrick Somerville, a former Cornell MFA student, is back on campus for the creative writing program’s Fall 2008 Reading Series. (Also, if/when you get a chance, check out his book of short stories, Trouble.) 4:30 in HEC Auditorium (Goldwin Smith), and free!
Friday, 9/19:
Filmmaker Erik Zala began a shot-for-shot remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark at the age of 12. Interested? Think it sounds crazy, cool, or crazy-cool? Check out Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation, at Cornell Cinema.
Saturday, 9/20:

Daze's Band Names of the Week

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Daze’s Band Names of the Week:
1. I Left My Car Keys in Your Bathroom
2. Bar-Mitzvah Party
3. Van Palin
4. The Forks and Knives The Sporks
5. Singalongalongalongalong

If You Think My Shoes Are Cute, You Should See My Vagina!

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Submit to [email protected].

(Two girls talking to a friend):
Girl 1: HI! We’ve decided we want to become MILFs.
Girl 2: It’s kind of a life goal.

— Arts Quad

Sorostitute: Busdriver! Take me to [name of sorority].
Busdriver: *silence*
Sorostitute: I’ll SUCK DICK if you take me to [name of sorority]! There will be dick-sucking at [address of sorority]!
Busdriver: *laughter*
Sorostitute (to friends): I feel like such a whore…
— T-CAT

Tech Career Fair Recruiter: So, are you an engineer?
Random Girl: Heck no, Techno!!

—  Barton

Guy 1: Little dyslexic today?
Guy 2: No! I think dyslexia is bullshit. Who just messes up letters?
Guy 1: …You are an idiot.

— Outside Becker Hall

R.A.: Hey! In America that’s sexual assault!

Overheard 9-11-08

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Submit to [email protected].

Sorority Girl: We were making out and I was like, okay, you could be my fourth cousin.
Friend: He wasn’t, right?
SG: No, no.
Friend: Okay … good.
— Trillium

Concerned Girl (to drunk friend): Are you okay?
Drunk Friend: Why would I be wrong?

Girl studying for Psych: So we know that’s how social norms are in America. But you know, in other countries, it’s different. Like in Norwegia ….
Friend: Did you just call Norway Norwegia?

Guy at bus station: Wait a minute. It comes at six o’clock and thirty seconds? Am I reading that right?
— Green St. Station