MALPASS | Shipping Out

It’s standard college student protocol to hate certain questions: “what are you studying,” “are you seeing anyone,” etc. Every student has been asked these questions, and everyone has given the same, patient, noncommittal answers. Lately, I’ve enjoyed being asked the question: “Do you know what you’re doing after you graduate?” Obviously, I used to hate that question, because there’s always so much expectation tied to it. But that’s the culture we live in at Cornell, and since plenty have taken note of it already, I won’t say a whole lot more on the matter. This is my last column here at Cornell, so I’d rather reflect on my time here than complain about a university I will shortly be leaving.

MALPASS | Keep Being Angry

It seems like it just keeps getting worse. Just in the past week we’ve heard news that the Great Barrier Reef is in a terminal stage of its existence, a doctor has been beaten senselessly because he would not give up the seat he paid for, a shooting has occurred in a San Bernardino elementary school and sarin gas has been deployed against the people of Syria.

MALPASS | Toeing the Party Line

Look how the Democrats handled the past election. Ever since Obama was elected president, they have been pushing the same Hillary 2016 agenda. There was never any choice in the matter, after Obama we were to have Clinton. End of discussion. The DNC actively worked against the Sanders campaign when he threatened to take away the nomination from Clinton and promote actual progressivism to the party.

MALPASS | The Value of a Snap

I have it, and if you have a smartphone, chances are you have it too. The little app that allows you to send timed photos to each other. But wait! You can also view little articles on Snapchat too, some can even  be interacted with on the most basic level! Truly revolutionary.

MALPASS | A.I. : Benefit or Hazard?

For decades, pop culture has been fascinated by robot servants. It always seemed so far off, having a robotic servant to help in our day to day lives. Look at the Jetsons, they needed to have stratosphere, saucer houses before they had a robot maid. It makes it strange to think that we now live in a society where robotics not only exist, but are the norm. I’m not talking about independent, Turing Test beating automata, but increasingly intelligent machines are finding their way into day-to-day life.

MALPASS | Clean Money

Environmentalists really seem to get a bad rap. I’m not talking about eco-terrorism or the occasional highly offensive PETA advertisement —  I’m talking about image. No matter who you talk to, liberal or conservative, their idea of an environmentalist always seems to be the peace-sign-throwing, carrot-munching, Yusef-Islam-AKA-Cat-Ste­vens-looking hippie. I suppose it’s partly our fault; after all, I do have a few tie dyes kicking around in my closet. But generally speaking it’s always the same story: someone brings up clean energy, and the politicians and public roll eyes because another old beatnik took a moment between blunt hits to talk about how we’re all connected to nature.

MALPASS | No Alternative Reality

By now I assume most people brave enough still to read the news have become acquainted with the so-called “alternative facts” situation. For those who may be unaware or have missed this particular scandal, it began when White House press secretary and noted Dippin’ Dots opponent Sean Spicer berated the media for their alleged misrepresentation of the crowd on the National Mall during President Trump’s inauguration. One problem: photos from the 2017 inauguration show that Trump failed to attract anywhere near the two million people who attended President Obama’s first inauguration. The visual evidence is clear: Trump’s crowd was sizable, but Obama’s was objectively larger; one stretches to the end of the national mall, one does not. Nor does the time of day change the crowd size (despite what Mr. Spicer may have said); the Guardian’s article on the matter contains a timelapse that clearly shows the crowd size from beginning to end of the inauguration.

MALPASS | Angry Does Not Begin to Describe it

It’s only appropriate that an election opinion piece should run alongside the sex columns, because this piece will also be about getting fucked. I never really believed that a man so hateful could be elected, but it shows how much common sense can be trusted nowadays. Call it liberal tears, but based on the reactions of the people in my newsfeed, I feel as if I’m writing a eulogy. This is what happens when you have a broken political system. This is what happens when politicians get so corrupt, Congress gets so deadlocked, and wealth disparity grows so large.

MALPASS | Today’s Keynote and You

Today is Apple’s Keynote Event, where they release all their new products, which means I get a whole new set of things to be angry about. Am I being a little preemptive considering that no specs have been officially announced? Probably, but it’s really either this or another political column people, and personally if I have to write one more line dedicated to this election I am going to vomit. Plus, it’s midterm time and I haven’t even gotten my Halloween costume in order, so just let me unwind with a little Apple bashing.  Just to prove that I’m not a total hack, I’ll stick to the rumors that have been all but officially confirmed.

MALPASS | Nukes and Your Future President

I think we often forget just how terrifying nuclear weapons actually are. They may be fun to see used in films, but never in reality. The two bombs dropped Hiroshima and Nagasaki remain the only ever nuclear devices used in warfare and, as anyone who has taken high school history knows, the results were beyond catastrophic. Tens of thousands of people died from the blasts alone, with many tens of thousands more dying from radiation years later. Exact numbers are uncertain, but estimates state that about 80,000 and 40,000 people were killed by the explosions at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, respectively.