The Cornell Daily Sun (https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/page/2/)
This is a joke section, curated by Sun editors who are tired — but not tired enough to stop making 4/20 jokes.
To the Editor:
To put it lightly, I’m upset. I really thought I did everything right, but NOTHING worked. I mirrored his every step, wore my cleanest, “It’s not magic, it’s SCIENCE” shirt, (most of them are gross after prelim season) and even got past security SEVERAL TIMES but he never looked my way. All of my DM’s on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn — unread. Every shout of his name, unanswered.
To the Editor:
If there’s one phrase that makes me think of college, it’s definitely “find yourself.” I know this sounds strange, but I’m here to show the world the definitely real truth about Bill Nye’s college experience. Surprisingly, Bill Nye entered Cornell having not yet “found himself.” Believe it or not, Bill entered Cornell in the Dyson school as a business major, and after working for hours in Mann library, became known as Bill Nye the BusinessMann. After being rejected from every business club on campus — despite his ability to make beautiful powerpoints that he considered to be a form of artwork and mode of personal expression — Nye decided to dabble in the humanities.
He eased himself into the field by taking English classes. Though he wasn’t particularly drawn to any literary works, he developed an unrivaled and somewhat annoying knack for rhyme, as he was captivated by verse poetry, becoming known as Bill Nye the English Guy. He was then advised to try writing for The Sun by a professor.
Nothing is ever original; after all, every creative work is simply a retooling of the same themes.
Syracuse University professors find that female proteins bind to the sperm and these proteins constitute 20% of the sperm’s mass, making the sperm more viable and partially female.
Cornell Moon Club thinks Cornell needs to embrace the moon as the superior celestial body, and renaming its newspaper is a powerful way to start.
The Board of Trustees approved the second English department name change in just over two months — trailblazing from the Department of Literatures in English to the Department of English: Get Lit.
Turn on your camera. This isn’t Love Is Blind.
President Martha Pollack announced Friday morning that Cornell will once again move back to a green alert on campus because “we felt like it,” Pollack wrote in a statement to the Cornell community.
Cooking can be dangerous, especially when cognitively impaired, and so what meal you choose to prepare will greatly determine any potential risks.
The Slope Day Programming Board has announced in an interesting twist that the McGraw Tower, will come alive to headline this year’s festival with a three-hour set.