4/20
LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Blaze It, My Dudes
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I just wanted to say that y’all are good. Blaze it.
The Cornell Daily Sun (https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/page/3/)
This is a joke section, curated by Sun editors who are tired — but not tired enough to stop making 4/20 jokes.
That crushing sadness from the winter doesn’t seem like it’s ready to leave you anytime soon.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful to wear your soiled, century-old mittens.
Please let me know if I missed the moment when daily and twice a week became synonymous.
Stop studying for goddamn oceanography or whatever shit you do and go watch some instructional videos.
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) bought the ILR School, which will now be rebranded into the School of Industrial and Labor Revolution.
In the global effort to end hunger, an unexpected posse has taken the lead, becoming the first to achieve one of the United Nations’ Sustainable Development Goals. Three young men of the Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity celebrated late Saturday evening after receiving an email from United Nations secretary general, António Guterres, notifying them of their success. Chad Beauregard ’21, Trey Miller ’20 and Wyatt Brooks ’21, all students in the Dyson School, realized the resources they needed were at their fingertips upon walking into 7/11 and learning that the store was sold out of beer. “Well, at first, we were definitely in shock, it’s kind of hard to play pong without any Natty,” Brooks said. “Then we realized if we built our own brewery, we would have an endless supply of golden nectar,” he continued.
A joint before class? Perhaps not today. Twenty Cornell University researchers and a pound of marijuana recommended against smoking before classes, concluding that “it really harshed my mellow,” said Brad Phillips ’20, the study’s lead researcher. Subjects reported cravings for mozzarella sticks, dry mouth and “contemplative thoughts,” but were not found to have higher academic performances than the control group. “The professor definitely knows, dude,” whispered Kayla Berman ’21 to The Sun.
An architecture student was spotted at the Collegetown Greenstar at approximately 2 a.m. on Monday. The unusual sighting left Cornellians and Ithacans shocked.
In a surprising turn of events, Happy Dave admitted that he absolutely hated the Okenshield’s staple of 2000s pop music, saying that he is on the verge of quitting.