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LORENZEN | CTB Will Reopen Sooner If You Wear a Mask

No, it won’t. That’s an absolutely preposterous statement. There is no causation between when Collegetown Bagels will reopen in its new Sheldon Court location and you wearing a mask. However, if you are among the growing, vocal minority of Americans steadfastly refusing to wear a mask despite the Center of Disease Control’s recommendation to do so in public spaces, then may I recommend you pretend that this false causation is true? If the tangible reward of Zabs motivates you to wear a mask when you go out in public, then I am here to tell you that CTB will reopen sooner if you wear a mask.

Letter to the Editor

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: The Cornell Progressives Endorse

To the Editor: 

Ahead of the New York Congressional and State Assembly primaries on June 23, Cornell Progressives is proud to endorse the following candidates: Jamaal Bowman, Mel Gagarin, Lauren Ashcraft, and Anna Kelles. Cornell Progressives — formerly Cornell for Bernie — has decided to continue the ongoing mission of the Bernie 2020 campaign by actively supporting candidates who relay a similar vision of economic and social justice. Although we recognize that electoral politics is limited in its ability to fully combat the America’s long standing systemic inequalities, we are still vested in finding leadership that is willing to fight for the people. Our organization has hosted the aforementioned individuals for virtual panels in which our members could engage with each candidate, and, after a unanimous vote, we are happy to publicly support them in the upcoming elections. Our first endorsement goes to Melquiades “Mel” Gagarin, who is running in the Democratic primary for New York’s 6th Congressional District.

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PARK | So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

So this is how it ends. Not in the blistering heat on Schoellkopf field surrounded by all the people we love, but alone in our bedrooms amidst a global pandemic watching a nearly hour-late Swae Lee gyrate through our computer screens on funds we never asked to be spent, following some fighting kangaroos. Things could be better. This is not what I expected. Then again, so little of college turned out as expected.

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SMITH | Reality & TV

It’s probably only the kind of thought that occurs when one is three months into quarantine with a kitten waking them up at 5:30 a.m., but sitting in my house watching Designated Survivor while my parents watched House of Cards downstairs made me wonder what exactly we were doing. The third episode of Season 2 of the Netflix show Designated Survivor is titled “Outbreak.” The premise? There’s a viral strain of a flu for which there is no vaccine and the disease is disproportionately killing people of color. As a subplot, the White House counsel is tasked with mediating a debate over whether or not to remove a statue of a Confederate general from outside a courthouse. Watching fictional American governments handle fictional epidemics and have fictional issues to distract from the very real pandemic and very real police and government scandals is definitely a strange (albeit privileged) form of  escapism.

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GUEST ROOM | Step One in the Long March Toward Equality

What is merit? Merit is natural worth. An individual’s merit is their ability to succeed in society. The notion that all people are created equal means to me that the merit of each individual is based on unobservable traits. Science supports no other conclusion.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | “have you ever sexted before?;)”

“Hope you like bad boys because I’m bad at everything!”

Ugh … I don’t know why I go on Tinder. The pickup lines are so corny that rolling my eyes becomes an involuntary response. Plus, I’m not really interested in hookups, and it seems like everyone on Tinder has a strong “hit it and quit it” mentality. And yet, I keep scrolling … maybe because I wishfully think that one day I may blindly swipe and stumble across someone who shares my intimate vision of a life-long commitment.