SEX ON THURSDAY | Blue Balls and Blue Vulvas

At some point in my adolescence I must’ve developed the belief that if there’s a penis in the picture, the sex is meant to last only as long as the erection does. Then it’s game over. I can’t be sure where I picked up that idea, nor the idea that it deeply, physically pains men to be aroused for too long without orgasming. That if they’re cruelly forced to be too hard for too much time continuously, their balls — their most pain-sensitive body parts — become oxygen-deficient and literally turn blue. And then maybe their bright blue balls explode like some gooey gender reveal (it’s a boy!) as they writhe around on the ground, injured and emasculated. And so if a guy is notably aroused, he ought not to be left that way for too long, lest his goods be put through intolerable pain and perhaps quite permanently damaged. Again, I’m not sure why I thought I might reduce a man to ruin if I didn’t bring him to come, but I do remember having these thoughts long before I even started having sex.