Oh, how the stars have aligned! Check out your sex-o-scope for the next month to ensure you’re prepared for whatever dirty delights are in your future! Aries (March 21 – April 19): The piercing on your foreskin will get snagged on the inside of your second-favorite inflatable sex doll and you’ll be forced to walk to Cornell Health with an Inflatable Judy Doll dangling from your flaccid micropenis. The nurse will look exactly like your mother. Taurus (April 20 – May 20): While singing “Your Body Is A Wonderland” in the back of a broken-down tour bus, a lustful John Mayer will give you mediocre, toothy head.