For the past two weeks, the pages of the Cornell Daily Sun have been saturated with columnists eagerly offering unsolicited advice to bright-eyed, bushy-tailed freshmen: Explore Ithaca. Don’t stress. Don’t drink. Don’t think about the future. Think about the future. Smile more. Succeed at sex without really trying.
It’s all fascinating advice, and it’s all based on the absurd notion that the smiling mug shots in this publication know better than you, the reader, how to live your life.
So I’m going to add one more nugget of unqualified advice to the clamor:
Go to a Cornell sporting event and cheer on your team.
Joe Morgan was a stellar baseball player. The 10-time All-Star second baseman was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1990 after a 19-year career with exemplary numbers — a .271 batting average, an OPS of .819, 268 home runs, two World Series titles, two Most Valuable Player awards and five Gold Glove awards.
Joe Morgan is significantly less stellar in his new endeavor: color commentary for ESPN’s lead baseball broadcasting team. After retiring from the game at the end of the 1984 season, Morgan bumbled his way into the broadcast booth for various networks and subsequently started polluting his play-by-play partner’s commentary with pseudo-insightful asides and painfully obvious statements (“He’s going to want to drive in a run right around now”).