I encourage all of you to reflect upon the checkboxes in your Cornell career. Which ones do you need to do before it gets cold? What class do you need to take to get that extra minor? What part of Cornell do you want to remember after we have graduated and look fondly upon our time at Cornell?
Cornellians like to have sex (I mean, have you read this column before?), and who can blame us? Between the never-ending stress of classwork, the brutally frigid winter, and the crushing fear that we’ll all end up dying alone, people here would likely explode (literally, in some cases) without the opportunity to fuck around a little bit. In a school of 14,000 undergrads — and 7,000 graduate students if you have a thing for that — Cornellians have their pick of a broad selection of sexual partners. During your four years in Ithaca, you’ll probably encounter a variety of snuggle buddies. Here are the 10 types of people you’ll have sex with at Cornell:
The First: It’s o-week, and you’ve ventured out into Collegetown with your 50 new best friends you met on your floor.