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STELLA | Senior Citizenship in College

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It’s reasons like these that we no longer feel the wind in our face in our chipper walks to campus, but instead feel awfully similar to Chevy Chase in Community.

Columns

GUEST ROOM | Graduating Jobless

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I graduated from Cornell with a bachelor’s degree in electrical and computer engineering in 2016. Not only did I graduate without a job offer, but I never even had an interview. I certainly applied to plenty of jobs and I went to all the career fairs. Overall I think I had a relatively normal and generally positive experience at Cornell. I joined the marching band and the bread club, where I made lifelong friends.

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(500) Days of Side Boob

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Imagine you’re walking down the street, minding your own business when suddenly it approaches: something between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Will Ferrell with a tranquilizer dart in his neck, leaving behind a trail of booze, sweat and drool in its path. What a horror! You exclaim, as it slowly gets bigger and bigger, crying “mmmmmf I waaan sanwichesss! And peeeezzaaaa!” and as you dive to avoid its pale, blubbery, annoying wrath, you see it, and then you know: side boob. What we have here is a big, fat, mess.

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See You in The Future … If We Make It

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The nervousness! The intrigue! The walking into wrong classrooms! The first day of school is often exciting — the academic world rushing to welcome you in all of its charming geekiness.
But F all that optimistic noise: today also ushers in a whole year of hard work and late nights. Which is why lately I’ve started to think more and more seriously about time travel and astronauts.

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Senioritis: Is the Thought of the Future Making You Ill?

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I have had a particularly difficult time writing this, my final article. I wish that I could say that the difficulty is derived from the pressure of capping off two years of fine work, but the truth is that I happen to be brain dead after a night of drinking. I suppose that is not a valid excuse; after all, Hemingway was always drunk and what he managed to produce was halfway decent. As I reflect on the debauchery that was last night and whether this headache was truly worth it, I cannot help but contemplate life after graduation and how different it may be.