Columns

GUEST ROOM | Graduating Jobless

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I graduated from Cornell with a bachelor’s degree in electrical and computer engineering in 2016. Not only did I graduate without a job offer, but I never even had an interview. I certainly applied to plenty of jobs and I went to all the career fairs. Overall I think I had a relatively normal and generally positive experience at Cornell. I joined the marching band and the bread club, where I made lifelong friends.

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(500) Days of Side Boob

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Imagine you’re walking down the street, minding your own business when suddenly it approaches: something between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Will Ferrell with a tranquilizer dart in his neck, leaving behind a trail of booze, sweat and drool in its path. What a horror! You exclaim, as it slowly gets bigger and bigger, crying “mmmmmf I waaan sanwichesss! And peeeezzaaaa!” and as you dive to avoid its pale, blubbery, annoying wrath, you see it, and then you know: side boob. What we have here is a big, fat, mess.

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See You in The Future … If We Make It

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The nervousness! The intrigue! The walking into wrong classrooms! The first day of school is often exciting — the academic world rushing to welcome you in all of its charming geekiness.
But F all that optimistic noise: today also ushers in a whole year of hard work and late nights. Which is why lately I’ve started to think more and more seriously about time travel and astronauts.

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Senioritis: Is the Thought of the Future Making You Ill?

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I have had a particularly difficult time writing this, my final article. I wish that I could say that the difficulty is derived from the pressure of capping off two years of fine work, but the truth is that I happen to be brain dead after a night of drinking. I suppose that is not a valid excuse; after all, Hemingway was always drunk and what he managed to produce was halfway decent. As I reflect on the debauchery that was last night and whether this headache was truly worth it, I cannot help but contemplate life after graduation and how different it may be.

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Seniors Aid M. Cagers’ Success

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When they signed on with the men’s basketball team, the members of the Class of 2009 — Adam Gore, Khaliq Gant, Jason Battle, Conor Mullen and Brian Kreefer — must have been wondering what they were getting themselves into. In 2004-05, the year before their freshman season (except for Gant, who played that year), the Red went 13-14 overall with a respectable 8-6 record in the Ivy League. That team put up respectable, if not impressive, stats; it cruised to a second-place finish in the Ivy League, but did not pose a serious threat to Ancient Eight champion Penn’s 13-1 league record.
“Obviously we’re a lot better now,” said Gore, a team captain for the second year in a row.