Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Coming Out in Quarantine

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” was the first question my parents asked when I sat them down and told them we had something we needed to talk about. The question seemed laughable to me, considering my long-term boyfriend had just broken up with me and what I was about to tell them. “I’m … not straight,” I told them haltingly, and braced myself for their response. While I love my parents, acceptance of the LGTBQ+ community has never been their strong suit.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Dildos and Dildon’ts of Quarantine

I rock back and forth in my childhood room rewatching every episode of Seinfeld. I furiously latch hook a rug to keep my hands busy. I’ve already knitted seventeen hats, rolled five beeswax candles, made a papier-mache dragon and assembled a tiny ship in a bottle. I’m starting to run out of things to occupy my sexual energy — before my hands will resort to frenzied masturbation instead of frenzied arts and crafts. This is one of the few times Anya Neeze is going to strongly advise you not to seek out physical sexual contact with anyone outside your home unless you own a full hazmat suit or medieval plague doctor costume.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | What Do You Do When He Doesn’t Like You Back?

Picture this. You’re in bed with your not-quite-a-friend, not-quite-a-hookup, but more than just a stranger. You’re casually talking when he brings up a dream you had about him where he rejected you, a dream that you told a mutual friend about in confidence. He asks you about it, joking (but is he?) that he didn’t know you cared so much. You panic but hide it, doing your best to brush it off as nothing, saying that you have dreams about people all the time and that they never mean anything.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Cosmos

The closest relationship that I have on this campus is with another girl. Let’s call her Cosmos. Although I can’t describe her in her entirety, her beauty is unimaginable. When God was designing her, He must have been in an especially giving mood, compelling Him to give His World a taste of perfection. You look at her, and you think … well that must be it.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Free the Foot

We all have something that makes us feel like choking the chicken. A wide-shouldered Russian woman slicing a perfectly ripened avocado, JCPenney mannequins or the stretchiness of Mrs. Incredible could all give us the urge to flick our swollen bean. For many of us, it’s feet. From Quentin Tarantino’s obsession with Uma Thurman’s feet in Kill Bill to Ricky Martin admitting he finds feet really beautiful, being titillated by toes happens to be one of the most common fetishes. Yet in spite of its prevalence, it’s the butt of countless jokes.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | When Plan B Becomes Plan A

Today I want to talk about a situation that I recently found myself in, and that I know other women have found themselves in too. I was hooking up with a guy and asked him to use a condom. He complained at first but then acquiesced briefly, before stopping and saying that he really didn’t want to wear one and it wasn’t going to be good for him and he wasn’t going to be able to finish with one on and so on and so forth. Willing to just go along with things, and honestly mostly just wanting to fuck properly already, I said fine. The next morning, after all was said and done, I got to go on an especially magical journey.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Girls, Girls, Girls

Since middle school, I’ve craved male attention. Early on, I developed a sixth sense for athletic and charismatic boys, the kind who’d make the loudest jokes in class; ask the girl next to me to slow dance while seeming to look right through me. At night I prayed to magically wake up more extroverted, flirtier and funnier and please, please less pimply. I became certain if I could just make one boy like this love me (or at least look at me), then I would somehow be lovable, confirming my femininity and worth. Though I remained fixated on boys, my closest, most intimate relationships were with other girls.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | I’ll Touch You, If You Tell Me Where

I feel his breath hot in my ear. “Just tell me where,” he whispers. I demure. “You know where.”
His hand traces up and down my thigh, just barely brushing the place I want his fingers. “Not until you say it.”
My mind floods with words: vagina, way too clinical; cunt, too demeaning; snatch, too 70s porno.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Out Of My League

My boyfriend is more attractive than I am. His narrow face and strong features — a nauseating mix of stereotypically tall, dark and handsome — illuminated among a blur of cafeteria faces. I wanted nothing more from my soon-ending high school career than to get with him. Our routine exchanges of physics problem set answers during our senior year gradually transitioned into a different kind of transaction: offering and receiving stories of past wild nights and their subsequent hookups. In my attempt to truly impress him, I divulged an unforgettable Phi Sig pledge party during Cornell Days.