SEX ON THURSDAY | Your Daily Whoroscope

Scrunchies and mom jeans aren’t the only trends that are making a large resurgence in today’s day and age — astrology is also making a roaring comeback. Checking Co-Star to see our daily compatibility or listening to Spotify’s questionable “Horoscope Today” podcast is, whether you like it or not, a large part of many youngins’ routines. But what if you don’t want to hear about how you’re going to act or what you’re going to encounter that day, but instead you want to know what you’re going to be feeling at… night? Well you’ve come to the right place. As your resident sexual astrologist, I’ll be able to enlighten you with all that your heart, or genitalia, desires. 

SEX ON THURSDAY | Shroomgasm

The first time I did shrooms was with my R.A.. We sat in their room during an idyllic February break, measuring out the grams of psilocybe cubensis mushrooms on a tiny scale. Snow was still on the ground, but there was no need to wear a coat. It was hard to imagine that such a small amount of fungus could change our perception of the waking world.  

I liked the taste of it, its earthy mouthfeel reminded me of eating preschool, sandbox dirt. Anticipation rose up in my stomach, preparing for the effects to start kicking in over the next half hour.

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Power in Polygamy

Will you ever find “the one?” Probably not, so stop being a sucker and start enjoying the pleasant world of polygamy. Now you can have all of your sexual and romantic desires fulfilled whenever is most convenient to you, “albeit in a three-unit form,” Brat Baby.

SEX ON THURSDAY | XOXO, Your Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

He chuckled at his phone with the sort of strained enthusiasm meant to spur a person’s curiosity. Curiosity spurred, I crawled to the foot of the bed and peered over his broad, tattooed shoulder. I wasn’t exactly eager to stow aside my feminist propensity of ignoring men when they, in typical fashion, summon attention to themselves whilst performing some act wholly unworthy of the attention they summon. But his shoulders were broad, and tattooed. And we had just had some cool sex, so all in all I was feeling benevolent.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Frosty the Snow Penis

The icy prostate lies prostrate on the earth, praying to no gods in particular. Even if its mighty head glares up upon the stars, it knows no salvation. The scrotal lump at its base, decorated with tiny sticks for hairs, but with no warm hands to stroke them. Veins poke out of the snowy skin like ripples in a tiny ocean, but they’re never going to throb with lust. They stand as totems to the human condition so omnipresent, “Build a snow penis or count how many you see” is number 35 on “161 Things Every Cornellian Should Do.” Each snowstorm, I wander the tundric landscape to behold a mass erection of phalluses.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Narcissism and Rape Culture in Cornell’s Fraternities

Content Warning: This article contains a discussion of rape culture and sexual assault.

Dear Cornelia,

At Cornell, I feel like there is a sense of entitlement and superiority among guys in frats which creates a predatory environment. What’s the deal with that? 

-Frat Freaked

Hi Frat Freaked,

Thanks for your question. While I am no expert, I do have a few theories.  The essence of your question is rape culture in fraternities. And yes, it is prevalent here at Cornell. Anecdotally, ask anyone that’s ever been to a frat party or a date night and they will describe the uneven male to female ratios, the creepy grabbiness of men on dance floors, the pressure to hook-up with dates or the drinking that blurs lines of consent.

SEX ON THURSDAY | I Want to Be Inside You

In a few days, you will be laying on your back, fascinated by a crack in the ceiling, wondering why you need to do this. You are exasperated by the very nature of sex, a nature that doesn’t allow us to fully live inside each other.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Lackluster Libido

Ever since the start of the pandemic, I feel like I have no libido. I have very little interest in sex. My partner is starting to take my lack of sex drive personally, but I don’t know how to tell them that it’s not their fault! Is there something wrong with me? 


Hi LackLuster,

If there’s a “No Sex Drive During a Pandemic Club,” then you and I are both members. And so are millions of people across the world.