SEX ON THURSDAY | Your Daily Whoroscope

Scrunchies and mom jeans aren’t the only trends that are making a large resurgence in today’s day and age — astrology is also making a roaring comeback. Checking Co-Star to see our daily compatibility or listening to Spotify’s questionable “Horoscope Today” podcast is, whether you like it or not, a large part of many youngins’ routines. But what if you don’t want to hear about how you’re going to act or what you’re going to encounter that day, but instead you want to know what you’re going to be feeling at… night? Well you’ve come to the right place. As your resident sexual astrologist, I’ll be able to enlighten you with all that your heart, or genitalia, desires. 

SEX ON THURSDAY | XOXO, Your Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

He chuckled at his phone with the sort of strained enthusiasm meant to spur a person’s curiosity. Curiosity spurred, I crawled to the foot of the bed and peered over his broad, tattooed shoulder. I wasn’t exactly eager to stow aside my feminist propensity of ignoring men when they, in typical fashion, summon attention to themselves whilst performing some act wholly unworthy of the attention they summon. But his shoulders were broad, and tattooed. And we had just had some cool sex, so all in all I was feeling benevolent.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Sex Changed When I Met You


The girl who was shown how to love herself—

I walked into my first frat party during O-week, clutching my Keystone tightly to my chest and covering it, worried that someone would spike it, and I would be found unconscious in a ditch. Sex to me was a dirty thing, something that a guy wanted to take from me — and take and take and take until I had nothing left to give. I carried the clouds of a variety of my sexual assault experiences and traumatic stories of others with me. I had sex willingly for the first time three weeks into college. In my new room, under my string lights, I tried to remind myself that it was okay to have sex and that it was okay to have sex casually, for fun.

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Dildos and Dildon’ts of Quarantine

I rock back and forth in my childhood room rewatching every episode of Seinfeld. I furiously latch hook a rug to keep my hands busy. I’ve already knitted seventeen hats, rolled five beeswax candles, made a papier-mache dragon and assembled a tiny ship in a bottle. I’m starting to run out of things to occupy my sexual energy — before my hands will resort to frenzied masturbation instead of frenzied arts and crafts. This is one of the few times Anya Neeze is going to strongly advise you not to seek out physical sexual contact with anyone outside your home unless you own a full hazmat suit or medieval plague doctor costume.

SEX ON THURSDAY | What Do You Do When He Doesn’t Like You Back?

Picture this. You’re in bed with your not-quite-a-friend, not-quite-a-hookup, but more than just a stranger. You’re casually talking when he brings up a dream you had about him where he rejected you, a dream that you told a mutual friend about in confidence. He asks you about it, joking (but is he?) that he didn’t know you cared so much. You panic but hide it, doing your best to brush it off as nothing, saying that you have dreams about people all the time and that they never mean anything.

SEX ON THURSDAY | When Plan B Becomes Plan A

Today I want to talk about a situation that I recently found myself in, and that I know other women have found themselves in too. I was hooking up with a guy and asked him to use a condom. He complained at first but then acquiesced briefly, before stopping and saying that he really didn’t want to wear one and it wasn’t going to be good for him and he wasn’t going to be able to finish with one on and so on and so forth. Willing to just go along with things, and honestly mostly just wanting to fuck properly already, I said fine. The next morning, after all was said and done, I got to go on an especially magical journey.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Makeup, Thongs and Implants

A couple weeks ago, I had the birth control implant inserted. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a four-centimeter rod that is inserted under the skin. A local anesthetic is applied and a small incision is made — so small that you don’t even need stitches. Through the miracle of Cornell Health, I was able to get the thousand-dollar procedure done for just under $21. The nurse’s comments about the size of my biceps and her questions about my workout routine were only marginally more uncomfortable than the procedure itself.

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Big O(h no)

Five thoughts on orgasms and whether they matter as much as we think they do:

1. At 14, I confess to a couple friends that I’ve never actually, you know, had an orgasm. They stare back at me with matching expressions of shock. “But you jerk off, right?”

I do. Maybe not in the most typical way, since I hate the slipperiness and contours of my vagina, which reminds me of a raw chicken, and prefer to keep my fingers strictly on the outside of my underwear.

SEX ON THURSDAY | Ménage à Trois

Delightfully overwhelming… that’s how I would describe our first time. Not that this was my first, nor was this the first time I found myself between two hot bodies sharing the most intimate parts of ourselves, but it was the first time I found myself sharing my body and my heart with two other people at the same time in the same space. It started off simple: three glasses of red wine, a brief narration of our past, and frivolous comments about our day. Walking into this first date, I didn’t know it was a “special arrangement” (obviously, I don’t read Tinder bios as meticulously as I should). I’d be lying if I said I stayed just to be polite because in reality, I was curious about this unconventional relationship, and Tara and Jack were hot.