SEX ON THURSDAY | If Two Is Company, Then Three Is Even Better Company

Everyone who knows me knows that I like to talk, and that I especially like to talk loudly about inappropriate things at inappropriate times and places. As one of my good friends once drunkenly slurred to me, I say “a whole lot of outta pocket shit.” Normally, this just gives me a reputation as someone that you probably shouldn’t introduce to your parents when they come visit, as well as the best person to tell any tea to if you want it spread as quickly and widely as possible. However, being known for being down to talk about anything, anytime, anywhere, has also lead to some more unforeseen consequences. When my best friend texted me one otherwise uninteresting Sunday in April last year asking for advice, I assumed it would be along the lines of how to do the homework for one of our shared classes or that he and his girlfriend were fighting and he needed me to decode a text. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to ask me how to pick a third for a threesome.

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Frisky Virgin Gets…Really Frisky

Okay, what the actual fuck am I doing. Oh God. I slyly peek down my Victoria’s Secret lace thong for the eighth time in the past 10 minutes in the middle of 2nd ave to make sure my womanly juices are under control and no pubic hair suddenly erupted. I recall my preparation in hopes of reassuring myself: I shaved four times last night. I faced a mirror in every possible direction.