“Hope you like bad boys because I’m bad at everything!”
Ugh … I don’t know why I go on Tinder. The pickup lines are so corny that rolling my eyes becomes an involuntary response. Plus, I’m not really interested in hookups, and it seems like everyone on Tinder has a strong “hit it and quit it” mentality. And yet, I keep scrolling … maybe because I wishfully think that one day I may blindly swipe and stumble across someone who shares my intimate vision of a life-long commitment.
In September, your photo came up on my screen while I was scrolling through Tinder. I accidentally swiped left. My stomach dropped. I hurried to the bathroom to avoid waking my roommate, flicked on the light and proceeded to spend the next half hour trying and failing to download Tinder Plus so I could undo my erroneous finger movement. I flooded my best friend’s phone with texts, frantically trying to figure out which way you would’ve swiped on me, and how to show you in a totally-deniable-but-still-flirty-and-cute way that I really, really meant to swipe right.
The “dating” app Tinder is ubiquitous at Cornell and most other college campuses. “Dating” is in quotations because, as most of us know, Tinder is usually not used to find significant others, although some have certainly had success in doing exactly that. Most Tinder users in my demographic see the app as a conduit to casual hookups. Tinder and other apps like it do have a function in society, but the way in which they’re used now is aiding the degradation of our society’s morals. At the risk of sounding like a prudish Luddite, let me explain.
My name is Chad, 22, and I am a student at Cornell University only two miles away. I’ve had the pleasure of looking through your photos and deeming you worthy of the highest honor, my personal seal of attractiveness, a right swipe, and I am interested in pursuing the position of Your Romantic Suitor. My colorful personality, relevant experience, and chiseled physique make me an outstanding candidate to serve your needs. To help you get to know me better, I’ve provided you with a unique and varied canon of photos that display the many facets of my personality. First and foremost, I am an artist.
I’ve been taking it easy lately. Last fall, I realized I wouldn’t graduate a computer science major if I didn’t load up on classes. Now that I’ve reached the end of the tunnel and have time to relax, I started playing a game. It’s called Tinder; you’ve probably heard of it. Tinder is part dating app, part middle school sleepover party and part ego booster.
Caution: this is a low-key sentimental column. Lots of feelings, lots of emotions. I listen to lots of Drake. There might be some jokes here or there, but mostly just heartfelt words about the machinations of my inner soul. But yeah anyways, here’s my column.
Following an awareness campaign by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, the dating app Tinder, added a sexually transmitted illness testing locator to its website on Jan. 21, according to Business Wire. The testing locator, provided by Healthvana — a website that locates nearby STI testing centers and allows users to schedule appointments and check their results online — is linked at the bottom of Tinder’s new section on sexual health, according to Time Magazine. The addition of the health safety section is especially significant, because Cornell’s sexual health education is lacking. according to Matthew Indimine ’18, co-chair of the Student Assembly Health and Wellness committee.