December 2, 2015

LEWIS | Finishing Out The Semester Strong

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By SHANE LEWIS

This is my last column of the calendar year, and I honestly couldn’t decide what I wanted to talk about. So as usual, I think I’ll just go on a rant about a lot of things. Oh and seriously, thanks to everybody who actually reads this. And if anybody of you happen to know my man Bill Simmons, make sure you pass this along to him. Now to sports.

My friend recently sent me the headline of an article about a soccer game that read, “Team dominates but loses 2-0.” What’s next, “Cornell football dominates but loses 21-0?” If you lose by two goals in a sport where teams only score once every five games, then you did not dominate. I don’t care what the other circumstances were. I love a good sugarcoated headline though, and this one was particularly hilarious.

Kobe Bryant announced that he will be retiring at the this entire year. He has a PER of like nine and is shooting .305 from the field. And he’s taking SEVENTEEN shots a game. I don’t blame you Kobe for getting old and losing your touch. But at least realize it man and stop taking so many shots. Your pull-up game isn’t as strong as it used to be.

Wanna hear some players with a higher PER than Kobe? Spencer Hawes, Patrick Patterson, and Austin Rivers. Austin fucking Rivers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of the Black Mamba. He’s the second greatest shooting guard of all time. However, his time in this league is long gone. And I also hold the unpopular opinion that Bryant is fourth best player of our generation. I’d easily put Tim Duncan, Dirk Nowitzki, and Matt Bonner above him. No but seriously, if you gave Nowitzki a star player the caliber of Shaq or Gasol, he’s easily have a couple more championships right now. Same with the Red Rocket.

The College Football Playoff got exponentially more boring after this past weekend, with Notre Dame losing to Stanford, and Michigan State and Oklahoma both winning. Right now, the path to the playoff is clear. If Alabama, Clemson win, they’ll join Oklahoma and the winner of the Big Ten Championship game in the playoff. Boring. However, there could still be chaos (though very implausible). If Alabama somehow loses to Florida (which they won’t), and Stanford beats USC, there will be a very interesting debate about who deserves that last playoff spot.

Ohio State could slip back in, or Stanford could get in based of their conference champion status. And if Clemson loses to North Carolina (which is actually more likely than you’d think), does Clemson still get a spot? And if not, does North Carolina take their place? The latter is very unlikely, and the spot would probably be filled by either Ohio State or Stanford. The Big Ten could potentially have two teams in the playoff, while the SEC would be left out. God, I would love to see that.

The Warriors are still undefeated, and they look scary good. Almost too good. I see them losing sometime before their seven game road trip is finished, but to be honest, I have no real reason to think so. They way they’re playing, I think they’ll definitely top the Bulls ’96 season.

The other undefeated team in professional sports, the Carolina Panthers, are slightly less impressive. I’m still not sold that this team is Super Bowl caliber yet, despite what their record says. Until they beat a team in the playoffs quarterbacked by someone other than Ryan Lindley, I’m not a believer.

I had to do a report on Milan for my Italian class and I found out that they have a soccer team that apparently is pretty good. I’ve heard good things about that Messi guy too.

All in all, it’s a pretty good time to be a sports fan. The NFL and college playoffs will soon be underway, basketball is under full swing, and Cornell cricket just dominated Dartmouth but lost by 300 wickets. Have a happy new year everybody, but most importantly, stay classy Ithaca.

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