Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | A Nice Guy’s Guide to Not Being Creepy

Creepy boys don’t often think of themselves or their actions as creepy. The rants my friends and I often have about how men suck don’t register in their minds as having any relation to them. They’re too nice to hurt a girl, they say. Still, there are many things that men have done to women on campus to make them uncomfortable and yet there are very few men who recognize this. That doesn’t add up.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Girls, Girls, Girls

Since middle school, I’ve craved male attention. Early on, I developed a sixth sense for athletic and charismatic boys, the kind who’d make the loudest jokes in class; ask the girl next to me to slow dance while seeming to look right through me. At night I prayed to magically wake up more extroverted, flirtier and funnier and please, please less pimply. I became certain if I could just make one boy like this love me (or at least look at me), then I would somehow be lovable, confirming my femininity and worth. Though I remained fixated on boys, my closest, most intimate relationships were with other girls.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | A First Time for Everything

When I entered college, I scoured the internet for rules on hooking up.  From looking up how to properly give a blowjob to how to not be so awkward, I tried to compensate for the fact that I had negligible experience (the boys in my specialized high school were unattractive, okay). Nothing could really prepare me for reality: First times are learning experiences, and sometimes you can’t know how to do first times until after you’ve done them. First Hook Up
My first real hookup, not including kissing a friend in preparation for a date, was a boy I went to prom with fresh out of a recently failed relationship. We went from zero to almost 100 (unreciprocated oral sex but not in the direction you’d think) with his mom dropping by the basement room about every 20 minutes. It wasn’t a great time, neither of us knew what we were doing.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Spooky Season Never Ends: How To Ghost

I don’t necessarily endorse ghosting people. It can be incredibly cruel and lead to far more hurt feelings than talking to someone and formally breaking something off would. It’s an unfair way to communicate. The ghoster gets away with pretty much no consequences while the ghostee is left with questions and the nagging feeling of something unresolved. But what about when ghosting someone really does feel like the only way to convey your lack of interest?

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Makeup, Thongs and Implants

A couple weeks ago, I had the birth control implant inserted. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a four-centimeter rod that is inserted under the skin. A local anesthetic is applied and a small incision is made — so small that you don’t even need stitches. Through the miracle of Cornell Health, I was able to get the thousand-dollar procedure done for just under $21. The nurse’s comments about the size of my biceps and her questions about my workout routine were only marginally more uncomfortable than the procedure itself.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Big O(h no)

Five thoughts on orgasms and whether they matter as much as we think they do:

1. At 14, I confess to a couple friends that I’ve never actually, you know, had an orgasm. They stare back at me with matching expressions of shock. “But you jerk off, right?”

I do. Maybe not in the most typical way, since I hate the slipperiness and contours of my vagina, which reminds me of a raw chicken, and prefer to keep my fingers strictly on the outside of my underwear.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Your Ex-Girlfriend Isn’t Crazy — You’re Just Insensitive

Taylor Swift thinks she’s so cool because she’s crazy, a hookup said to me after we watched the Blank Space video together. (Maybe the problem in this situation lies more in the fact that I was watching this specific video specifically with a hookup, but bear with me here.) And it certainly looks like it at first glance — I mean, how crazy do you have to be to destroy your boyfriend’s sports car, his expensive suits, stab a cake and a portrait of him, solely because he was texting during a picnic? Isn’t this whole video just her delighting in the beauty of her destructive, chaotic power? He missed the point of the song and the video — it’s not that Taylor Swift is the crazy ex-girlfriend, it’s that she’s playing the archetype of it to show how utterly ridiculous it is. It’s absurd and campy: cuz darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream, the Elie Saab dress standing over the horses, the damaged car …

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Sex: Does It Even Matter?

I was fifteen when I first had sex. It was with my first real boyfriend, and it hurt so much I cried. It was a splitting sensation — it hurt so badly that any sane person would never want to experience it again. However, it was me who didn’t want to wait, it was me who bought the condoms and it was me who re-initiated every time, only to assume a fetal position in pain after it was over. My preoccupation with sex continues to baffle me — especially because I wasn’t a very sexual person.

Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Love Song to a Stranger

My boyfriend of five months, Desert Not-So Solitaire, was snoring softly next to me, his arm curled around my back. It was winter, so instead of sleeping in his car, he had struck up a deal and was living in an unfinished guest house in someone’s backyard. The house didn’t have a heater, so breath rose from my lips in little puffs, but I was warm underneath our blanket. I wanted to be moved by his soft smile and how peacefully he was sleeping. I felt my stomach clench; a rising nausea overtook me.