Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Thirty Things to Do During a Dry Spell

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Thinking about writing this week’s column stressed me out even more than my three prelims combined. Truth is, I have no sexy sex story for this week. I’ve been going through a frustrating, disappointing and wretched couple of weeks: a dry spell. All of this time, I had thought dry spells were either a myth or an excuse lazy people use to avoid coitus, but it turns out, they truly can happen to anybody. Now, I stand here before you with the credibility of a bankrupt financial advisor.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Here’s to a Steamy Senior Spring

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Editor’s Note: This piece, though new to The Sun, was originally composed in early 2018. The author has since graduated. I came to Cornell as many of you did: bright-eyed, enthusiastic and, above all else, incredibly naive. I fondly remember my first few fraternity parties, trying to look “sexy” but mostly arriving at some combination of awkward mall-dweller and short-sighted librarian while my more experienced friends guided me through the maze that would eventually become the backbone of my social life. I went through high school incredibly focused on my academics and extracurriculars, knowing that I would move on from my small town to bigger, more exciting things.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Bechdel Test

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I recently learned about the Bechdel Test (ironically from a male friend, but so it goes). In essence, the test measures women’s representation in fiction and requires that two women talk to each other about anything other than a man. And that’s when I realized very few moments in my life would pass the Bechdel Test. Anytime I’m talking to a female friend for more than a few minutes, the topic of boys typically comes up. Sometimes we’re ranting about a male professor.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Spit Sisters

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I was one of the 4,106 Cornellians that participated in the now-infamous Cornell Business Analytics Love Match survey. I’m a sucker for this kind of thing, duh. (For any of you living under a rock, this survey promised to unite soulmates based on personality and midnight snack preferences, and it went viral). I, shamefully, stayed up until obscenely late hours of the night with some girlfriends waiting for the unveiling of the matches, and we screamed with anguish when it was delayed for a day. It was like Christmas Eve, but more desperate.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Morita Equivalence Between Sex and Math

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Sex and solving mathematical problems are  the same process. Sometimes they are surprisingly quick, inducing a moment of ecstasy but an ultimately unfulfilling experience. Other times, you can try for hours with no progress on the floor of a study room in PSB until you inevitably realize that cumming with a condom just isn’t an option for some people. Even though you know the person you’re with hasn’t gotten tested, you’re still willing to trust them because they have an IUD — and because you haven’t touched a breast since 10th grade English class during a haunting read-aloud of Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. Generally, however, as you grow in either mathematical maturity or sexual ability you learn your needs and what problems you have the potential to solve or, in my case, how to eat pussy and smash.

Opinion
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Me, Myself and I

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We are a week away from that holiday: Valentine’s Day. Having been single for 22 years continuously, I’ve really grown to hate this consumption-driven, exclusionary, sickly-pink holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a #strongindependentwoman and know I don’t need a lovey-dovey partner to 1) have fun, 2) be happy or 3) orgasm, but seeing all of the cheesy affection on display reminds me that I’ll never achieve that linear, heteronormative, Hallmark-romance love that society hearts so very much. So, if you’ve found love just in time to avoid being single on this dreadful day, go fuck yourself, this article isn’t for you. But if you’re a single soul like myself on this miserable day, here are my top 10 Valentine’s Day tips and tricks to hating this day a little less, and loving yourself a little more.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Mixing Sex and Substance

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On Oct. 23, The Sun’s headline read “Near-Naked Cornell Runner Attacks 2 Women, Threatens to Rape Them After Taking ‘Acid.’”
I remember reading that. I released an exasperated puff and thought to myself, “I cannot believe that this happens at Cornell.” As I pondered it more, however, I realized, obviously this happens at Cornell. In fact, I’m surprised (but grateful), we haven’t seen worse. We live in a world of athletes dropping acid and stumbling bleary-eyed around parties preying on freshman girls.

Sex on Thursday
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Friend Hook-Up

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We are nearing the end of January, which means a few things. One, we recently returned to school and after a long and dry winter break, many of us are back to swiping right and left on our phones. Two, we are approaching Valentine’s Day, which personally doesn’t mean much, but renders me a little lonely nonetheless. And three, we are in the midst of cuffing season, and even the most free-spirited of Sex on Thursday writers are looking for a long-term cuddle buddy. Unfortunately, the new semester plus cold weather plus a sprinkle of desperation can lead to some bad decisions.

Columns
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Masturbation for the Working Mathematician

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of good fortune must masturbate. Despite this, I had sex before I masturbated for the first time, and the masturbation took a great deal of effort. Masturbation is fucking hard, but fucking hard is not masturbation. To clarify, I learned calculus before I masturbated for the first time but I attempted and failed at masturbating before I attempted calculus. Thus, calculus is easier than masturbation but primarily because there are more guides for it.

Columns
Sex on Thursday

SEX ON THURSDAY | Just Some Thursday Foreplay

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I recently realized that not having penetrative sex means I engage in a lot of foreplay. And since this usually goes on for an hour for me, I was shocked to learn that foreplay generally lasts for about 15 minutes. Foreplay is an art. It’s one of the most important things to do to ensure an enjoyable time. So if you want to impress someone you’ve been hooking up with for a while, or you just want to be more prepared for the next time around, here are some ways to make sure you bring your A-game:

Sext during the day

Having a memorable night depends a lot on the build-up.