October 12, 2016

SEX ON THURSDAY | To Be or Not to Be (in Control)

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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a horny appetite, must be in want of a sexual partner. So, when you have the two horny parties present, what is left to be construed is the nature of this interaction, and along with this, the very important concept of power. Let me just clarify before I begin to explore this issue further that I am always talking about consensual interactions where power-play is a form of enjoyment for both parties present. Power can very easily be broken down to “This makes me feel good. I want this,” and that is where control comes in. Now you run the risk in sexual situations of overpowering your partner to the point where you are selfish, but extremely under-powering can unfortunately be much, much worse and very, very boring. Finding the balance of power that works best is arguably one of the hardest things in the search of a match to your horny.

Let me give you an example which I’m going to preface with the following: I’m a strong-willed gal, I like getting my way and I love control, BUT I also crave the feeling of lying on my back and getting fucked hard. My example only dates back a couple of weeks and serves to demonstrate a recurring trend of men who seem unable to find a balance of power in sex, fucking either too hard or too soft. I’m hoping my mother wasn’t right in telling me that you can tell a man’s character by how he is in bed, because otherwise I’m either picking complete wusses or utter assholes.

I present to you Wes. 19 years young, rosy cheeks, broad stature, cuddly but sturdy — just how I like them. And very high on the wuss spectrum. We’ve worked together for months but he never dared approach me with anything more than updates on his Netflix progress. The kid grew on me though and I was easily persuaded to take him on a date night. I won’t bore you with the details of (unusually comfortable) endless hours of flirting and pestering from my best friend to make some sort of move… We’re back at his place, beautiful house, home to anywhere between 50 and 100 guys. I’m tripping over beer cans, slipping on what I’m praying isn’t vomit until we finally make it up to his room. He lays me down on his 38 by 75-inch bed, (just wide enough for the two of us), and then lays next to me stroking my hair and looking deep into my eyes. Now as romantic and sweet as this sounds, it is not what a girl wants when she’s horny and can feel your erect penis on her leg and hear you breathing heavily. So as he just lay there, I gathered up all the energy I had and climbed on top of him. I unbuttoned his shirt, unzipped his pants, shimmied them down his legs, and began working my way down his body. I mentally flicked through the movies and bad porn I’d watched to come up with different positions to try, and made a note to thank all the guys who never made me think this hard during sex. As sweet as he and our time together was, I found myself desperately searching for the satisfaction of control, of figuring out what pleased me and getting it. It just wasn’t there.

The conclusion I’ve reached is that there’s something exhilarating about relinquishing yourself to sex, to the power that another human being can exert over you to awaken inside of you pleasure from the deepest source. And that feeling isn’t the same when you’re doing the searching. That said, if your partner is dominant a way that doesn’t work for you then it’s just all round bad. But when you do find that partner who you trust and who knows how to take control of the situation, how to hit all the bases before going for the home-run, then let yourself go and absorb his sexual power seeping throughout your body.

The Duchess is a student at Cornell. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. Between the Sheets appears alternating Thursdays this semester.