July 8, 2020

SEX ON THURSDAY | Letter to My Fellow Virgins and Those Still Searching for “The One”

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My birthday is two and a half months away. I’m going to pass the final stage of adulthood, and involuntarily enter my twenty-first year. I’ve accomplished so much, and yet I still haven’t had sex.

Everybody around me tells me “HLG, honey, your time will come,” or “They’re out there … waiting for you too.” And that’s the best thing you can tell someone like me, because literally nobody can verify it. It’s vague-ass comments like these that you hate receiving, but exhale with relief when those same comments save you from the panic that mounts as you desperately search for advice for someone else.

I mean, what if some people just don’t meet someone? And what if I’m that person? Romantic novels, fairy tales and familial anecdotes have taught me for years that you’re supposed to meet someone in college. Whether you find your person immediately and get married three years later or reconnect on Facebook after twenty years apart, college is supposedly the place to fall in love. But … what happens when you’re still in the process of building relationships and finding that person, but you’re going into the new school year during a pandemic with required social distancing measures? Getting closer to others is no longer allowed and can literally kill people!

And then, after the college curtains close, I’ll have to get a j*b. I can only imagine myself surrounded by men and women with much more life experience than myself. Not to mention I’ll be dressed in business casual attire, attending meetings to discuss business, sitting with colleagues over a brief lunch only to bring up more business … I don’t know how to flirt in that context!

Okay, pause.

I know what you’ve been thinking this whole time; who in their right mind would give a virgin free reign over a sex column? Let alone a virgin who doesn’t know how to flirt in such a vital context as the workplace?

I really can’t answer that. But I’m here. And while I still have autonomy over Dopamine Overdose, I have a quick message for the minority … my fellow virgins. And also to those who may have had their chance to fuck around, but haven’t yet found their person.

I have found Time continues to ignore my pleas to slow down — everything seems to progress so very quickly. And it can be hard to believe that someone is out there and meant for you. Well … I mean, where the hell are they?

But that’s the thing. I don’t know if I believe that the right person is waiting for me, but I do believe in love. Excuse my sappiness for a moment, but it’s true. Even when I think back to my most recent crush, my favorite memory of dancing with him continues to outweigh the worst night I had crying alone because of him. And that is why the search continues. We all know love exists. Whether it comes to you in the form of a friend or a brother, most of us have experienced what love can do. Without it life seems pointless, and with it you can accomplish anything. It’s a drug that creates a forcefield of protection between you and this very ugly world that you were thrown into.

And yeah, waiting is probably the worst part. And even though I’ve never been in love before, I know that it’s worth it. I have loved other people, and I’ve been hurt by some of them too. We must not ignore the crucial fact that some relationships are toxic and manipulative, and even if it seems as though the best times outweigh the worst, some connections must be cut off for our own health and wellbeing. Although we must move on from some and outgrow others, no matter how difficult that may be, remember that meeting new people as we continue to live our lives is inevitable, whether it be starting a new semester of college or beginning our new part-time j*b on the weekends.

Of course, there are no rules stating that those who have not yet met their destined lover by the end of their college graduation ceremony are banished to finish out their life sentence on Earth without a partner. That’s all in your head. We meet new people all the time; in fact, we will be doing so for the rest of our lives, and relationships take off quicker than you can even realize. Love exists, and it is one of the strongest feelings I’ve ever known. That’s why I can’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems at this time. We can’t give up. And I hate to circle back, but yeah … they are out there. Just be patient.
Helpless Lover Girl is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]Dopamine Overdose runs every other Thursday this summer.