The Cornell Interfraternity Council has recently announced a dramatic change in their application process — in an effort to maintain their reputation of exclusivity, the IFC has voted unanimously to lower the maximum acceptable Rice Purity Test score to 30.
Since 2008, it has become standard for fraternities and sororities to administer a “Rice Purity Test” for their new recruits. Comprising a list of 100 activities — from “held hands romantically” to “engaged in bestiality” — the Rice Purity Test was originally meant to be used for research purposes at Rice University. However, in more recent years, it has become the go-to measure for finding out if potential pledges are cool or not.
According to a manufactured data set, the average acceptance score at Cornell fraternities was approximately 50/100 in previous years. But due to the rise of apps such as Tinder, Grindr and Gradescope, students claim it has never been easier to get fucked.
“Everywhere I look I see D’s, double D’s and deez nuts,” said Mike Gonzalez ’25, member of Chi Upsilon Mu.
According to a study by Barstool, sexual activity at Cornell is on the rise. Current guidelines state that students should only be having sex on Thursdays, in accordance with The Sun’s opinion department. Fraternities such as Sigma Sigma, Trust Me We’re Really Sigma Males have been cited as the primary cause for this uptick in sexual activity.
“Sorry we can’t keep our dicks in our pants,” an anonymous brother of SS, TMWRSM said.
The new IFC ruling has been met with some controversy. Some now fear that fraternities will be viewed as exclusive and unwelcoming, whereas in the past they have been pioneers of diversity and inclusion.
“The IFC is a diverse and accepting community,” said IFC president Mike Hunt ’24. “Raising our barrier to entry just ensures that we can keep the beta males out.”
Patrick Master Bateman is a sophomore in the Dyson School of Business. He can be reached at [email protected].