To the Editor:
Hello all! My name is Shmocco Belorenzo. You may be thinking to yourself “Hey now! That name sounds dangerously similar to the guy who was just ousted as a misogynistic corrupt politician!” Let me assure you, my friends, that is not me. Anyways, I am here to announce my candidacy for the Student Assembly elections coming up! I am running on the following platform: root beer in all campus water fountains, no class on Fridays and free tuition for all! I have thought long and hard about what I want to bring you, the Cornell voter. I think you all deserve a break from those corrupt politicians like Rocco Delorenzo and Clyde Lederman. It’s time to reinvigorate the Student Assembly, and I firmly believe that. Although I may, at times, look like Rocco Delorenzo wearing a fake mustache, don’t be fooled. Many people bear a passing resemblance to the former IFC President. I, for one, have never even been in a frat. That’s why you’ve never heard my real, completely realistic name. Anyways, vote for me. I won’t build a Greek life machine. I would never do that.
With love,
Shmocco Belorenzo
Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.