Courtesy of Coulter, courageously curtseying in court, of course.

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April 20, 2024

Ann Coulter ’84 Selected as Class of 2024 Convocation Speaker

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To cap off Cornell’s Freedom of Expression theme year, The Cornell Convocation Committee has confirmed that conservative personality Ann Coulter ’84 has been chosen as this year’s convocation speaker.

“She was the obvious choice,” said Jon Lindseth VI ’24, President of one of Cornell’s conservative organizations (he didn’t know which one, we asked). “I mean, it was actually the administration who brought it up to us, but they don’t want to take credit, so I guess we will.”

After the success of Coulter’s campus appearance in 2022, Coulter reappeared on campus this week. “Students clearly couldn’t get enough of her,” Lindseth said. “Which is why we’ve invited her back a third time.”

When asked about Coulter’s history of bigoted remarks, Pennis Drager ’20, a so-called free thinker, said, “Free speech means giving a platform to everyone. If we pick and choose, we jeopardize free speech for all.”

According to Lindseth, President Martha Pollack and Provost Michael Kotlikoff begged Coulter to return to campus, reportedly calling her directly and pleading, “Pretty pweaseee.”

According to Drager, Coulter’s convocation address will somehow manage to stereotype every minority group. 

It is Coulter’s hope that her unique perspectives will encourage Cornell graduates to think critically about the world in which they live, according to Drager.

“Everyone likes to call Coulter a white supremacist, but I’m not quite sure how they can say that. In fact, her speech will discuss everyone EXCEPT white people,” Trucker Carlson ’69 said.

“It is my honor to announce that Ann Coulter will be this year’s convocation speaker.” Pollack said in an email to the student body. “She represents the very best of us.”

Sarah Jane Wilde ’24 is a senior in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. They can be reached at [email protected].