On Oct. 23, The Sun’s headline read “Near-Naked Cornell Runner Attacks 2 Women, Threatens to Rape Them After Taking ‘Acid.’”
I remember reading that. I released an exasperated puff and thought to myself, “I cannot believe that this happens at Cornell.” As I pondered it more, however, I realized, obviously this happens at Cornell. In fact, I’m surprised (but grateful), we haven’t seen worse. We live in a world of athletes dropping acid and stumbling bleary-eyed around parties preying on freshman girls.
We are nearing the end of January, which means a few things. One, we recently returned to school and after a long and dry winter break, many of us are back to swiping right and left on our phones. Two, we are approaching Valentine’s Day, which personally doesn’t mean much, but renders me a little lonely nonetheless. And three, we are in the midst of cuffing season, and even the most free-spirited of Sex on Thursday writers are looking for a long-term cuddle buddy. Unfortunately, the new semester plus cold weather plus a sprinkle of desperation can lead to some bad decisions.
I was standing somewhere on a Friday night during my freshman year when a stranger asked if I wanted to hear the secret of beer pong. I don’t remember what he looked like, just that his face held an expression of profound serenity and compassion. “The secret of beer pong,” he said, “is to throw the ball into the cup.” I asked him what the hell he meant by that. “Beer pong is a metaphor for life,” he said. “What is it to exist but to throw a ball into a cup?
Colleges across the country struggle with the issue of high risk drinking. With their newfound freedom, undergraduate students are uniquely susceptible to dangerous drinking habits that can put their lives at risk and lead to a myriad of unintended negative consequences. Administrators and university policy makers are often put in the bind of adopting policies that both enforce laws and encourage students to be safe, while also recognizing the reality of alcohol use on college campuses and the need for pragmatic solutions that encourage students to request medical attention when it is needed. Our University is unique in the way that it addresses high risk drinking — largely because of its Medical Amnesty Protocol, which allows for students to call for emergency services and receive care, while removing any liability from other illicit violations such as underage drinking or possession of alcohol or other drugs. In creating Medical Amnesty Protocol, the University took a bold step to encourage students to consider their safety and well-being above the fear of getting in trouble.
Imagine you’re walking down the street, minding your own business when suddenly it approaches: something between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Will Ferrell with a tranquilizer dart in his neck, leaving behind a trail of booze, sweat and drool in its path. What a horror! You exclaim, as it slowly gets bigger and bigger, crying “mmmmmf I waaan sanwichesss! And peeeezzaaaa!” and as you dive to avoid its pale, blubbery, annoying wrath, you see it, and then you know: side boob. What we have here is a big, fat, mess.
After less than six months since its grand opening, the Green Café is already making a major addition to its offerings. This Thursday, Green Café, at the corner of College Avenue and Dryden Road, will be opening a full-service bar and adding alcoholic cocktails to its burgeoning selection of upscale food and drinks. According to staff, the bar will offer over 200 varieties of liquor, beer on tap and a special bar menu prepared by a new chef.
As you could tell from last week, I’m on a reflecting bender, which is something I like to call a reflender. But this week it’s turned into a productive exercise in my literacy. I did it. I read Things Fall Apart. I chillaxed with Okonkwo, finished up my Freshman Reading Project, only, approximately, 1369 days late, give or take. Again, since I’m on a roll in the spirit of reflending, Okonkwo and I have decided to tell the story of how things fell apart in my life, also known as “Freshman Fall.” We shall tell this story through a series of quotations that I found particularly illustrative from the book, quotations that did not make me sad when I hadn’t read the book before, because, in fact, it is the worst book ever written.
As the end of the year approaches, campus officials have begun a thorough review of various public safety measures in light of the University’s recent budget cuts. Representatives from the three colleges in Ithaca — Ithaca College, Tompkins County Community College and Cornell — met last night in the Africana Center for a panel discussion of the challenges facing their respective student bodies.