Last night, the Delta Delta Delta sorority held its annual spring philanthropy event at the Bear Lodge in Collegetown. The event was a dating game modeled after the popular mid-1990s MTV program Singled Out, and audience members competed for dinner with each of the four main contestants.
“The event should be a lot of fun and raise a lot of money for St. Jude’s, which is such a great cause,” said Meg Lembo ’06, Tri-Delt philanthropy chair, in an e-mail on Tuesday.
St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, located in Memphis, Tn., treats all children accepted regardless of economic circumstance.
“Welcome to Tri-Delta’s annual philanthropy event,” said host Liz Kiernan ’05 as the festivities began. She promised with a giggle that the dinners would be, “awesome and amazing, I’m sure.”
The first contestant, Cory Sinclair ’04, narrowed down the 25 women competing for his heart and free food with a battery of questions, separating the athletes from the couch potatoes, the makeup wearers from the natural women and the outgoing from the shy.
“The ideal girl does go to the gym a lot,” Sinclair said.
“Fat asses are out, gym rats in!” yelled Kiernan.
Despite his preference for a well-toned woman, Sinclair admitted that he, “actually like[s] low maintenance girls,” when it comes to makeup and grooming.
After the first round, Kiernan asked the remaining women to “seduce the audience with a song.”
“And that song is row Row Row Row Your Boat,” she added.
Based on their performance and audience response, three women remained in the final round. Those that were cut were advised by Kiernan to, “go console yourselves with a beer, or two beers, or six beers.” As the night wore thin, Kiernan repeatedly told the losers to “console” themselves with alcohol.
To convey their affection for Sinclair, the final three women had to display proficiency in orgasm faking.
“Ninety percent of women fake an orgasm,” Kiernan said. “I believe it’s true.”
Kiernan provided instruction and inspiration for the upcoming moans: “Tell Cory what it is about his amazing sexual style that gets you off.”
Based on her responses to the questions from the first round and her singing and acting, Sinclair concluded that Jennifer Vonnett ’04 would be his dinner-date.
Before the next contestant, Alison Pfeffer ’06 took the stage, Kiernan informed the audience that they were, “way too sober if you’re going to remember this and I don’t want that to happen.”
Kiernan had a more difficult time getting men to participate than women. To encourage male participation, Kiernan said, “guys who are not within ten feet of me have a very small penis.”
After getting enough men to continue, Pfeffer narrowed the field by asking such questions as: “Boxers or briefs? Study long or study wrong? City or country? Gym or not?”
The next round again involved seducing the audience in song, this time with six letters of the alphabet. Contestant one sang from the letter A to the letter F, with Kiernan exclaiming, “that stands for fuck, ladies!”
The two men remaining in round three were asked to create a rap on the spot about why they should be chosen by Pfeffer. Pfeffer ultimately decided upon contestant two, Chris Marchello ’06.
Archived article by Clark Merrefield
Sun Staff Writer