I was looking through my high school yearbook this weekend, and I inevitably stumbled upon the dreaded superlatives section. I had forgotten what I had been voted by my peers. But, as I perused the list, I found my name right under Most College-Obsessed.
At the time, I remember, I blamed my title on the students on the yearbook staff who were out to get me and had obviously fixed the vote, but, looking back almost four years later, this title seems appropriate. (The editor in chief of this fine newspaper was voted Most Enthusiastic, by the way. Take it for what you will.)
I do not mean to say (or admit) that I was (or am) “college obsessed” in the negative sense (I was a bit of an overachiever in high school but I wouldn’t say I particularly stood out). But, I do love Cornell, and ergo college, even if it’s tough love.
I mean, I do write a column based on the college experience. Each week I literally sit down and think about the meaning of college. So you do the math. At the very least I have lived up to my superlative.
So, which one are you? Best Eyes? Or maybe Woke Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed (I know a couple of those at Cornell). Recently, I’ve been looking at things in terms of what their superlative would be. Here are a few:
Most Likely to Succeed
Most Likely to Succeed is probably the most ubiquitous superlative in high school yearbooks around the country. Each year one kid gets burdened with this hype, and who can live up to it? How many people return to their five, ten or twenty year reunions only to be whispered about for all of their failures. I wonder.
One man who might be feeling that right now is Steven Colbert. Colbert’s show “The Colbert Report” (pronounced “The Colber Repor” to make fun of Francophiles) premiered a couple of weeks ago after The Daily Show. Colbert might have been voted “Pundit Most Likely To Succeed” on The Daily Show, but the show is just awful. There is too much Colbert in The Colbert Report. You wouldn’t have noticed it in the short vignettes on the The Daily Show, but Colbert is too hyperactive to watch for a full thirty minutes. And not funny. Downgrade.
Actually Most Likely to Succeed
Damon Dash’s new BET reality show Ultimate Hustler shows you who’s really Most Likely to Succeed. To win, one contestant actually began selling items from the show’s apartment set to people on the street. That is above and beyond. I always say, the only reason I’m in college is ’cause I can’t hustle.
Most Likely to be Played Over and Over Until You Want to Take Your Own Life
I Love the 80s 3D premiered last week and since then it has been played 8938903890232 times (93932903 of which I have been subjected to because I can’t find the remote). I Love the 80s was cute, I Love the 80s Strikes Back was funny but this is getting ridiculous. Bring on some more Breaking Bonaduce.
As for me, the more I am faced with the “real world” the more I want to crawl under the covers and stay here. College is pretty great. By senior year, you have taken at least one class you’ve liked and had some fun. Or you maybe you wrote for the paper only to be criticized publicly in the Libe Cafe (try it, it’s a rush).
So maybe I am Most College Obsessed. Eh. Could be worse.
Archived article by Logan Bromer