Thanks to everyone who submitted this week, and sorry to those who sent in overheards that were just a tad too racy to publish. Don’t worry, according to my grandmother, in the near future ideas of decency and propriety will become obsolete, resulting in a social free-for-all. So keep them coming to firstname.lastname@example.org, and listen in on your campus every Thursday in Daze.
Frat boy 1: So, I was balls deep in this girl last night.
Frat boy 2: Oh, that reminds me. Can I borrow your herpes medication?
—Path behind Law School
Roommate 1: Wait?! You love each other? When did this happen?
Roommate 2: Well… yeah…
Roommate 1: So you really LOVE him?
Roommate 2: Well, not really… but what do you say? “Thank you?” I tried that, it doesn’t work.
Typical Cornellian 1: All I did yesterday was study for my chem prelim.
Typical Cornellian 2: [in a serious voice] Liar, I saw that you made a facebook group AND made a photo album.
Typical Cornellian 1: [thoughtfully] Oh well, if you’re counting life necessities, I also peed several times and ate a couple meals.
Typical Cornellian 2: Necessities?
Typical Cornellian 1: [in a serious voice] Yeah, like going to the gym, getting laid, getting drunk, you know, necessitites…
Guy: Want to go get coffee?
Friend: Nah, I gave up coffee for Lent.
Guy: You can just get an Americano then.
Friend: Aight, fair nuff
Asian Guy 1: [lots of fast Chinese]
Asian Guy 2: [lots of fast Chinese] The devil definitely wears Prada [lots of fast Chinese]
—Uris Library Entrance
Girl in Stall: How do you pee with a tampon in? Do you take it out or pull the string to the side?
—Crowded restroom with long line
Outdoorsy Girl: He touched my front part.
Confident Guy: I’ve dated women of various genders.
Chick 1: Should I put it on my resume as “dancer” or “entertainer?”
Chick 2: Uh, “show girl,” maybe?
Chick 1: Maybe I should just leave it off.
Loud Girl: I said something really stupid in front of that Overheard Girl yesterday but I don’t think she heard me.