There were a record number of submissions this week, so thanks to all of you who sent in! If you don’t see the material you’ve contributed, it may appear later. Good overhearing, everyone! E-mail [email protected] and eavesdrop on Cornell every Thursday in Daze.
Girl: Oh my God, I can’t believe I just hooked up with the entire room.
—Outside frat house
Sorority Girl #1: Hey, what language do they speak in India?
Sorority Girl #2: Indian.
Sorority Girl #1: Nuh uh. That’s what the Native Americans speak.
Sorority Girl #2: Oh, right right.
—Physics 203
Girl 1: Christ. This table is disgusting. Where’s the f—ing maid?
Girl 2: Um, you mean the busboy?
Girl 1: Whatever.
—Terrace Café
Older man: I opened up a Pandora’s box.
Older woman: Oh, really?
Older man: I got myself on Facebook.
—Mattin’s Café, Duffield Hall
Girl 1: Sorry, I would’ve called you earlier but SOMEBODY left SOMEBODY’S cell phone in SOMEONE’S room last night.
Girl 2: Nick’s?
Girl 1: No.
Girl 2: Tim’s?
Girl 1: No.
Girl 2: The OTHER Nick?
Girl 1: No.
Girl 2: Then who? Who ELSE did you hook up with last night??
Girl 1: Shit, I forgot his name. This could be a problem.
—Starbucks
Girl: There’s not much to do now. I bet that’s why so many babies are born in September, because it’s six months after March.
Guy: Yeah but it takes nine months.
Girl: Ohhhh.
—Collegetown
Guy 1: That’s not what a radio station looks like. At least none that I’ve seen.
Guy 2: That’s probably because it’s the radio and you can’t see it.
Guy 1: Oh, good point.
—Lynah
Professor: So, contrary to popular belief today, we now know that the world is not, in fact, round.
Sorority Girl #1: Wait. Wait, WHAT? The earth isn’t round?
Sorority Girl #2: Umm, hello? You didn’t know that?
Sorority Girl #1: So, like what is it then? Flat?
—Physics 203
Female: They didn’t tell him they were going to a dungeon. They put him in a box. A fat man touched him.
—Risley Dining Hall
Hockey Fan #1: Wow, that was the craziest brawl I have seen at a hockey game in a long time.
Hockey Fan #2: Haha, yeah. I think all the players saw “300” last night.
—Lynah Rink after the brawl
Freshman Genius: If you drink too much liquids, your brain will become all watery. That’s why I stopped drinking water. Now I only drinking alcohol.
—Clara Dickson