Dear A to Z,When I woke up Saturday morning with my phone in hand and my makeup smeared across my face, I realized that I have a problem. This problem was only to be affirmed when I scrolled through my outbox to find multiple 1 a.m. texts to the man of the moment, saying things along the lines of “where aer u” and “Come ovr.” Sadly, my inbox contained a coherent message from him received about two hours too late, as I was fast asleep. I am sheepish to admit that I am a drunk-texting addict. How do I combat this embarrassing pattern?
Late Night Texter
Dear Late Night Texter,You are not alone in the risky world of drunk-texting. Realizing and admitting your problem is the first step to solving it. With the help of our friends, we have devised some ways to counteract this problem. Give these ideas a try and see which work best for you.
First, and maybe most obvious, is to give your phone to a friend early in the night. Just when you are feeling like you can’t see the keyboard, hand that phone over and say goodbye to your drunk-texting for the night. This method has some pros and cons, considering how drunk and reliable you and your friends are, the ease of access to your phone after regaining sobriety, etc. At the very least, this strategy is great for those friends to whom you’ve confessed your texting problem. When they see you, jovial and delusional, alone in the corner, staring at your drink and mumbling the first draft of a booty-text — audibly — they should put you on cell phone “time-out.”
Of course, this is more of an emergency remedy than a permanent fix. Option 2 is a bit more creative and is a more proactive and self-directed approach to weaning you off of your habit. We have entered new names in Z’s phone for those special people who usually receive late night texts. The first two tried out were “No” and “Never Again.” When you look at your phone as the bars are closing and scroll to text either of these individuals, you either can’t find them, or get the message you had left yourself earlier by putting in those names.
Sometimes, just having “no” as the contact is not enough. The message may need to be more personalized for your more stubborn impulses. More creative contact info can range from “he only likes you when he’s drunk” to “slept with your best friend” to “you don’t like the way he smells” to “he stole a pair of your underwear.” As you go to text your late-night friend you will find yourself laughing and (hopefully) quickly realizing that it’s best to reevaluate the priorities of your text message — in the morning.
It’s particularly fun when these contacts text you first, and you get a message from “he likes dinosaurs more than you” or “absolute last resort.” See what works for you, be creative and update your changes if the codenames lose their resonance over time. Best of luck recreating your contact list!
A to Z