Hey, it’s Friday. We — The Sun’s editors and columnists — are mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. That means we get to . . . KVETCH!
Cracking the Books
We kvetchers specialize in holding Cornell responsible for all things suckish, but I’m getting pissy at my foolish self — and all of y’all out there who share my idiocy — for coming to the first class of the semester having read whatever professors send out in hopes of getting you to think about the course before we even know what the course is, whether we’ll stay in it, or why we’re really reading those readings anyway. Flashes of wanting to feel intellectual can last a couple seconds, but flashes of being silly and reading for three hours the night before a first class have been all too frequent for this foolish student. Somebody kindly slap me.
— J.K.
Cruel and Unusual
Being in Oral Comm is basically like scraping your own eyeballs with a screwdriver for 75 minutes, twice a week. Somebody please tell CALS requirements to stop sucking worse than Monica Lewinsky.
— S.H.D.
Crosswalk Curmudgeon
Why is it that people in cars think that they should have the right of way at a crosswalk? Here is a tip: you never have the right of way if you are in a car. Especially when it is raining. If you are driving through a crosswalk when it is raining and this keeps someone standing out in the rain while you are dry in a car, you are some kind of a jackass. If you don’t like stopping for people, don’t drive through campus.
— W.S.
Happy as a Clam
Why can’t I ever f***ing think of something to indignantly complain about!?! I wish my life sucked.
— S.D.
Disgruntled in the Dorm
Dear Roommate: I do not care if you were just “giving him your number,” if you are in the room with a guy, lock the door, and do not just stare at me blankly when I walk in on you. Also, since when does giving someone your number require two people lying on the floor?
— C.S.F.
Grammar Guru
People who use “your” when they mean “you’re” should all be put on a ship together and sail far, far away, to wallow in their own stupidity and stop sending the rest of us such inane texts.
— M.L.
Slackers Strike Back
People who spend all their time obsessing about other people’s grammar should find better things to do with
their time.
— L.E.
Already longing for Vacation
I overslept this morning by getting three hours of sleep instead of the two I allocated for myself.
— P.J.
Sharp Dressed Man
There’s nothing more enjoyable than walking around campus in a suit on a miserable, depressing Ithaca day. If the incessant questions (So, who are you interviewing with?”) don’t get you going, then the realization that your suit is definitely ruined should get the job done. Welcome back to Cornell!
— E.R.
Not Above the Law
Dear Cop who turned right on red at the intersection of College and Dryden last night: Stop being such a hypocrite! We all know it’s completely ridiculous to make one car sit at that red light for five minutes when no one is coming in the other direction. Just take down the damn sign!
—D.K.