March 15, 2012

Seance With the Founders: Hungry for Change in C-Town

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This week, the Collegetown Neighborhood Council solicited feedback from students and local residents on a potential grocery store in Collegetown. Students seem pretty jazzed about the thought of being able to stock up on some tasty grub without the trek all. the way. to Wegmans. Does Tcat even go there? But The Sun thought it best to sit down with the spirits of Ezra Cornell and A.D. White and find out what the founders of it all think about this proposal. Unfortunately, it seems Collegetown wasn’t quite a thing yet back in 1865.

The Sun: Hey, it’s good to see you guys. How have you been?

Ezra Cornell: What kind of question is that? Haven’t you learned the first thing about reporting at that “extra-curricular” institution you call a newspaper?

A.D. White: Cool your beans. He’s just being friendly. Say, my reporter friend, why don’t you run and get me something to eat. I’m hungry.

Ezra: You can’t be hungry. You’re dead.

The Sun: Simmer down, now. There’s no way that I’m going all the way to Wegmans to get you food. By the way, have you heard about the proposal to add a GreenStar grocery store to Collegetown?

A.D.: Grocery store? What is that? You mean like a general store? Back in my day, we had these things called farms.

Ezra: Yeah, we walked five miles every morning just to get our eggs for breakfast, and another five miles to get our bacon. In Ithaca weather, mind you. And we didn’t have any of this “mild winter” or synthetic fabric business back in the day. It was 50 degrees below zero, and we walked barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways, just to get our darn eggs and bacon. Don’t even get me started on what it took to get some milk. And coffee? you can just forget about it.

A.D.: We didn’t even have automobiles or public transportation!

Sun: Oh, speaking of public transportation, what do you think of the TCAT strike?

A.D.: You mean the buses?

Ezra: Clearly A.D. Don’t be such an old fart. And what is this about strikes?

Sun: TCAT drivers went on strike last week.

A.D.: What is this? Communism?

Ezra: Oh A.D., that’s so 1917 of you. This is a good thing.

A.D.: What’s that smell? Ezra . . .

Sun: I think that’s the titan arum plant. It’s blooming now on campus, and its bloom has only ever been recorded 140 times! It has a bit of an odor, but then again, so do you guys.

Ezra: I don’t smell!

A.D.: No, you can’t smell. There’s a difference. This is rather impressive. I always envisioned Cornell as an institution on the cutting edge of academic progress. When I thought, “any person, any study,” I meant just this. We’re making history! Wow, all this talk of decaying flesh odor is making me even hungrier.

Ezra: Come to think of it, so am I. Let’s catch the bus down to Wegmans and get some grub.

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