November 4, 2013

Halloween: A Progression Through the Ages

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By DAVID WECHSLER

Look, I know what you’re all thinking: “Halloween posts are, like, totally overdone.” “Really, another blog about Halloween?” “It’s November now; no one cares.” And, of course, “Is the Red Sox World Series win tainted by the fact that Ortiz is probably on steroids?” To answer your quarrels with me writing about Halloween a week late, suck it up. The Sun only allows me to write an article every other week and it just so happens that I drew the short straw and ended up missing the opportunity to write about everyone’s favorite holiday when it was still fashionable to do so. However, being late to the game does give me the power to make some of you have to relive the questionable decisions you indubitably made last weekend. The fact that you were drunk and she was wearing a mask doesn’t make it any more understandable. Just kidding, of course it does.

Anyway, my first college Halloweekend made me reminisce about how far I’ve come since the good ole’ days of dressing up as Mike Piazza and trading candies post trick-or-treating with big Rob – my older brother, for those of you unfamiliar with his work – who, despite being soft on the eyes, is a sucker for crunchy M&Ms. Back in the day I could rack up bite sized Snickers to last me through the new year if I could get my hands on some of those novelty M&Ms to trade. All the reminiscing made me realize that Halloween is a different holiday at each stage of life. Call me crazy, but I’m not so sure that I would’ve been able to hold my alcohol too well at age 7. Then again, I’m not so sure I know how to hold my alcohol too well at age 19. Here’s a look at that progression.

Childhood: Childhood Halloween is actually quite similar to college Halloween, except as kids you eat candy until you puke, whereas in college you replace the candy with warm, cheap Vodka. Also, I’m pretty sure that most college girls wear the same sized outfits as they did 10 years ago.

Middle School: Despite the end of the trick-or-treating era, middle school Halloween still has its fair share of ups and downs. While it’s the first time that girls figure out what dressing up like a schoolgirl really means, it is also the time when everyone learns that Tom, the quiet but seemingly nice kid in your homeroom who dressed up as a boxer this year, has hair on his chest for some inexplicable reason. Adding to the stress is the clear difference between the middle school Have’s and Have Not’s. By the end of the night the Have’s are leaning against a wall playing a little game I like to call tonsil-hockey while the Have Not’s are together, talking about how Halloween parties suck and that Trick-or-Treating is way more fun.

High School: High school and middle school Halloween parties are very similar, but with one key difference: alcohol. With the help of social lubrication, seemingly everyone develops into the Have’s on Halloween night. Another remarkable aspect of high school Halloween is watching the creative ways girls turn their respectable in-school costumes into slutty outfits come Saturday night. Honestly, I had no idea Sesame Street characters could be so promiscuous until sophomore year.

College: With one Halloweekend under my belt, you could say I’m a wily-vet of the college Halloween experience at this point. In college, Halloween isn’t so much a day as it is a weeklong experience. With festivities lasting so long, college Halloween is a marathon that tests both your mental and physical toughness. While in high school there was only one big night to celebrate, college allows you at least four nights to do something you’ll regret the next day. At least in college you don’t have to deal with seeing your parents the morning after. Oh wait, just kidding … of course Cornell has to pair parents weekend with Halloween. Thankfully, I’m the youngest of the Wechsler clan to come through Cornell so Brad and Patty (Bratty) have picked up on the fact that a 10 A.M. brunch at Carriage House just isn’t happening.

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