The Jersey Shore has been clogging up my DVR for weeks. The show and its “stars” are everywhere — on magazine covers, red carpets and most noticeably in just about every conversation on and around campus. Everyone is obsessed with Snooki’s pouf or the Situation’s situation.
It seems like, whether they’ve seen the show or not, everyone at Cornell takes pleasure in making fun of the characters on the show. And with good reason — they’re pretty hilarious. Honestly, who else fist pumps the night away while baring their panties for all to see?
Oh, right. Everyone at Johnny O’s.
While everyone’s busy laughing at the antics of the guidos and guidettes of Seaside Heights, what they fail to realize is the resemblance they bear to these characters every night. Sure, you don’t drink Jaeger bombs (at least not that often). And, thankfully, there aren’t many Cornell gentlemen rocking the Jersey Shore hairdo a la Pauly D (I’m not sure Ithaca has enough hair gel for even half of the guys in some frat to rock such a ’do).
So what makes us all think we’re better than the Jersey Shore-ians? To be frank, a lot of Cornellians are a lot like them. Really.
I get that their catch phrases are beyond any sort of interpretation or reason, and they smoosh more guids than I’ve even met. (See, smoosh — beyond any interpretation.)
But still, has anyone been to a bar in Collegetown recently? How about all of those freshmen at Johnny O’s, wearing six-inch long Herve Leger knockoffs? When they dance on tables (and trust me, they dance on tables), it’s oddly reminiscent of Snooki’s panty-bearing dance floor backflips. What about the girls who get all dolled up (read: slutted out) for a trip to the Palms, only to cry the next morning when the guy whose bed they shared doesn’t text them back? Flashback to Sammi!! Oh, and I’ve seen more than my share of bad highlights around campus — highlights rivaling the skunk look of J-WOWW.
And it’s not just the ladies. Watching Cornell guys pump iron in the gym is like watching a comedy. Or just an episode of Jersey Shore, with a focus on the Situation. And how many frat guys (or otherwise) head to a mixer only to find someone to smoosh that night? It’s like the club-hopping male characters of the Shore, looking to scrape something up off the boardwalk-cum-fraternity dance floor.
Granted, you’re at a large university, not an unnamed community college upstate (which I’m sure is a wonderful school, Snook). Your handbag may be Prada instead of Coach. Your t-shirt may be Co-op instead of Ed Hardy. When you reveal your panties to the entire bar, they might not have a catchphrase embossed on them. And you may not fashion your hair into a pouf or highly flammable, indescribable male style.
(Then again, I have spotted quite a number of poufs, hair gel, Coach bags and Ed Hardy tees around Collegetown. Just sayin’.)
But really, if you get a few drinks into a Cornellian, they’re equally happy to get sloppy, slut it out and bear an uncanny resemblance to our guidolicious brethren.
Not all Cornell students are like this. But all of us have a little bit of Shore in us, whether it's our hair, our clothes or our love of attention / compliments / sex.
So maybe we should all move beyond simply laughing at these characters and embrace our inner Jersey Shore. After all, Snooki makes $10 grand per appearance for being her Jerseylicious self. She may be the smartest of us all.
Leigha Kemmett is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She may be reached at email@example.com. Starboard Tact appears alternate Thursdays this semester.