February 14, 2001

Clinton For Commissioner

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Bill Clinton needs a job.

Sure he’s busy right now renting U-Hauls for all the furniture he’s going to need to cart back to the White House. But there’s going to come a point when there won’t be any more armoires or bureaus for Clinton to return.

And when that time finally does arrive, our former President will be at a crossroads in his life. At only 54, Clinton has a few more days left in him, but he’s gotta figure out how he can possibly top being the leader of the free world.

Now, if he’s the lazy kind, he’ll play dutiful Mr. Mom for his senator/wife. It’s not really to hard to imagine him tending to the couple’s new Georgetown house, planting geraniums out front and whipping up some pancakes and sausages for the missus before she can pop out the door. He’s spent the last 27 years being the public policy wonk, so why not let him spend his days hosting pinochle games for all the other Senatorial spouses. Make Hillary lead the fight against the GOP.

But Clinton, being the ambitious lad that he is, will probably look at how John Quincy Adams served in the House after his term ended and how Jimmy Carter became the poster boy for human rights struggle and he’ll realize that he needs to cement his legacy by having a meaningful post-Washington career.

Run for Mayor of the Big Apple, the pundits cry out. Now while Clinton would win over the hearts of New Yorkers without ever having to wrap himself in Yankees apparel, he’ll have to really look inside himself and wonder if he wants to spend the next few years fighting New Jersey for control of Ellis Island.

As triumphant as it would be for Clinton to replace Rudy Giuliani in Gracie Mansion, that’s not where he belongs. If there’s one job out there for Clinton, one position where he can use his Rhodes Scholar-intellect and his charismatic appeal, it’s as Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

Some will say that baseball had one of its best seasons in recent memory during 2000, especially with the success of the Subway Series, but it needs a little fixin’ and Clinton’s already has all the tools for the job.

Bud Selig, the current commissioner, has had a forgettable reign — much like former President George Bush’s tenure in the White House before Clinton took it over.

Baseball needs some housecleaning. Whereas Clinton promised the country deficit reduction, an improvement in race relations, and welfare reform in 1993, he could use a similar platform for a possible run at Selig’s office. Trimming ballooning salaries, easing the rocky relationship between large-market and small-market teams, and reversing the elitist direction America’s pastime is heading — they’re all up Clinton’s alley.

If he can bring together Ehud Barak and Yasser Arafat (sort of), Clinton can definitely bridge the gap between the Expos and the Braves. If he can chop down unemployment to less than 4%, there’s no reason why he can’t end the era of $200 million dollar salaries. Hell, if he can bring down the Milosevic regime, he can surely put a dent in the Yankees’ World Series monopoly.

C’mon America, you voted for the boy from Arkansas twice. And he paid you back with the best economy since post World War II, the lowest crime rates in decades, and the most entertaining eight years this country’s seen since Three’s Company was canceled.

Now it’s time to reward Clinton’s service. And while we could express our thanks by buying his upcoming book and grieving for Al Gore, it would be more appropriate to make him the top dog of baseball.

Let’s play ball, Mr. President.

Archived article by Shiva Nagaraj