March 1, 2001


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Breaking up is hard to do. And in recent news –Tom and Nicole, Puffy and Jennifer, Meg and Dennis — breaking up seems to be an overwhelming trend. This week, a question about dealing with fights in relationships led to a series of stories about FOUR-nication breaks, break-ups, and dealing with the aftermath.

T.J. Cox had been seeing his serious girlfriend (you may remember her from their Valentine’s Day body-painting fiasco — we’ll call her Nicole) for quite a while when he left for a few weeks to travel around Europe. The night that he got back, he did not call her immediately, but he went to dinner, where he saw her … holding hands with another guy.

Holding hands with another guy is not the worst thing in the world by any means. This particular guy, however, happened to be her ex-boyfriend and best friend, who she told T.J. she was no longer close with.

Ironically, Catwoman was getting pissed about the holding hands thing as well … kind of. Her 9-month girlfriend still pretended that they weren’t having sex, even when they were in bed together and actually doing the deed. They never actually got in a fight about it. “I like avoiding conflict and being passive aggressive,” she said sarcastically.

T.J. decided that he could no longer trust Nicole. In a relationship that was intense, serious, and most importantly based on trust as theirs’ was, he decided that this one line could be indicative of other things that she may have done. So … they decided to go on a break (the beginning of the end).

“It’s alright, she will burn in hell,” he said. During the break, Nicole got back together with her former beau, and, T.J. says, they are still together. “They can both burn in hell … I am over her.” They stopped communication after the break because T.J. believes that it is the only way to get over a relationship.

The beginning of the end for Catwoman came when her girlfriend starting going back to church. She had been religious before, and an encounter with a gay friend of hers convinced her to return. This friend told Catwoman’s girlfriend that “they [the church] make me not gay.” Thus, in Catwoman style, with no big fight, they broke up, but are still having sex.

“Does she think you’re going to hell?,” Cox asked.

The weirdest break-up in the group is the one that doesn’t really seem to be. G. Killian and Britney’s relationship isn’t broken, it’s just undergoing renovations. In the current state of their relationship, they act like boyfriend and girlfriend when they are together and they are completely free when they are not. The problem lies in the fact that they are still best friends and still want to tell each other everything. And, they say, they are fighting more than ever. “I think I thrive on conflict,” Britney said.

A recent fight erupted when G.’s fraternity had a mixer with a sorority this Friday. To Britney, this was entirely acceptable. She is a member of the Greek system too, and she completely understands. The problem was when G. went to a party some of the girls in the house were having the following night. She sees the affair that he had with a Syracuse girl happening all over again and gets mad (even though they both admit that when they are not together and they have complete freedom).

G. says the fight starts when he asks “what’s wrong?,” and she replies “nothing.” He asks again and is met with the same reply, until she finally tells him why she’s upset. Then they yell, a lot, but she never apologizes … it’s not her thing.

As their relationship lies right now, it is in that undefinable place between best friend and boyfriend, according to Britney. And it is completely dysfunctional, according to G. The biggest issue between them right now is trust, and most likely nothing will change as long as they both want to maintain their freedom.

It doesn’t look like the renovations will reach completion anywhere in the near future, but G. and Britney seem to be somewhat satisfied with the status quo. And, for the time being, Catwoman and T.J. Cox are coping with their horniness and eagerly awaiting some action.

Coming Soon in FOUR-nication: a night on the town with FOUR-nication experts, a pornography review, and some funny times under the sheets.

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