March 8, 2001

Viewer Discretion Advised

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When it comes to questions about DVDs, my family comes to me for advice.

“Bradley,” they ask, “what DVD would you like for the holidays?” “Where should we go to buy you your DVDs?” and “What is with you itching yourself so much?”

As The Sun’s appointed expert, I always have the answers, but when it comes to asking questions about the medical field, I go to my Cousin Mark. As a recent med-school graduate who did his undergraduate work here at Cornell, I would trust Cousin Mark’s word on pretty much anything related to the medical world. It is this trust that brought me to him this weekend with a burning question.

“Cousin Mark, what’s wrong with the doctors on ER? Are they idiots? Why does everything always go wrong? What are these strange bumps?”

“Why does this make you so upset Cousin Bradley?” he replied.

“I don’t know Cousin Mark, I mean I know they’re actors but…”

“Exactly…they’re actors. They’re not real doctors, and they shouldn’t be in the ER to begin with. And those bumps are highly contagious, so stop itching so much.”

Cousin Mark was right, although it made me angry to think that some people would actually let these actors perform highly involved surgeries on their children. Cousin Mark was equally enraged and so, to liven up the evening, we went to see my brother, Andrew, in his middle school’s production of “Once Upon a Mattress.”