April 26, 2001

Give It The Finger

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This movie was, is, and will always be, the worst movie ever released by a major production company in Hollywood. Absolutely unbelievable. I can give it credit only for its ability to keep me in the chair for the entire 93 minutes. I just wanted to see what comedian Tom Green would do next, and it was always something worse. I’ll try the best that I can to summarize a plot that was just completely nonexistent. Tom Green plays Gord Brody (FYI, Freddy is Gord’s 23-year-old brother, who is forced into a foster home because Gord tells the authorities that Freddy was molested by his father; hence the title).

Gord is a 28-year-old nutjob, who is so incredibly brain-dead that I was scared for my life for half the movie. He spends the entire film either making cheese sandwiches in Portland or drawing animated cartoon characters for Hollywood. In between, his journeys are constantly interrupted by his desire to masturbate large animals. Just for kicks, Gord loves to pull his car over at country farms and jerk off cows and horses. On a later trip to Pakistan, he manages to instantly please an Asian elephant into ejaculating at least 10 gallons of semen. Strange how he has no problem getting animals off, but he won’t let his handicapped girlfriend Betty go down on him (she constantly wants to either give blowjobs or get bamboo-whipped on her paralyzed legs