We’ve got a theory. You know how every single year it’s beautiful for Cornell Days? It’s not that Cornell engineers and student meteorologists have finally found the key to controlling the elements (if they had, do you think we’d still be freezing our collective asses off every other day of the year?). It’s not that we’re in some sort of time warp, repeating the same nice day over and over. It’s very simple: one day, Ezra Cornell and Andrew Dickson White made a deal with the devil. It went something like this: in exchange for permanent perfect climates to woo pre-frosh, the founders promised the devil the Ithacation we all know and love (hate) for the rest of the year. What did the devil get out of this, you might ask? Simple. Every single time the weather makes someone miserable, every single time you have to walk up hill both ways, you make the devil really happy. Like, sleeping with Saddam happy. No, we’re not trying to make a political comment. We’re just referencing South Park, but you got to figure the guy is pretty evil. Anyhow, that’s how Cornell’s soul was sold. For more about The Prince of Darkness, Great Dragon called Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, you know, that guy, see the feature. You see, a few years ago the devil got bored, quit, moved to L.A., opened a bar, and got his own comic book …
Archived article by Erica Stein