So this is the year you decided to be mature. No more weak-ass mixed drinks for you. You’re sick of the single entendre names, the sickeningly sweet taste, and the almost certain puking aftereffects. You’re going back to the basics: beer (we’re talking real beer here, not the shit they serve out of frat kegs), gin, whiskey, and vodka. Here are four of the industry standards.
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
With fruity aromas and a bright hoppy flavor, this well balanced brew is excellent for sipping on a couch strewn porch while enjoying the remaining 3.5 nights of good weather. It’s also wonderful indoors, surprisingly, for the rest of the year. This would be as good a time as any to remind everyone that beer is actually supposed to be enjoyed as more than a means to an end.
We have a confession to make: the only criterion we used in judging Gin was how well it blended to make a G&T or a martini. Also, yes, I know that these are technically mixed drinks. But they’re fucking suave mixed drinks. They’re the black-tie affair of mixed drinks, if you get my drift. And if you stir (never, ever shake) the martini well or add a slice of ripe lime to the G&T, they’re just about heaven.
Johnnie Walker (Blue, Gold, Red, Black)
Ok, so by the time you’re able to afford Blue, you’ll be too old to know what to do with it. But if you’re ever in a bar where they carry it, spring for the $15 shot and get a taste of bliss. I had one once and I still dream about it sometimes. Black isn’t quite as orgasmic, but it’s somewhat affordable (think birthday present for close friend) and it’s beyond yummy.
Grey Goose L’Orange
Cold, smooth perfection from France. Now listen up. I’m only going to say this once. This is not garage sale vodka. You do not mix this. You do not drown this in juice. You drink this in chilled glasses sip by exquisite sip. Take your vodka like my Bubby, who can out drink any fratboy in the world and like it. If you can’t find Grey Goose, I suppose you could settle for Absolute Mandarin. But you should feel really bad about it.
And, oh yeah, this is the part I hate. If you act like an idiot, you’ll be treated like one. If you’re under 21, go to Canada. I hear TJ, as in Tijuana, Mexico can be quite nice as well.
Archived article by Erica Stein