September 2, 2004
The DAZE Rant
| September 2, 2004
My Dearest Dentist,
I hate you. I hate you and your kind, you bringer of drillings and fillings. Your dental hygienist is more like a thug with a community college degree tacked to a wall, disguising her sadism as educated practice. Your metal instruments in shaky hands cause blistering pain, not only to my poor nerves and bleeding gums, but to my eardrums because of the horrible screeching noise you make.
You evil bastard, you who starts a conversation with me about what I’m doing for the summer while my mouth is under assault by your hellish weapons: the Mirror, the Sucker, and the Death-Pick. How could I move my mouth to answer your question when I am sure that certain doom will follow? I would have to never want to eat meals painlessly again. My gums throb and my mouth is now filled with my own blood. You give me that pathetic little cup to rinse out with, and what comes out of my mouth is not merely water but what appears to be the results of a failed skin graft. You ass.
And you tell me my gums are red and filled with blood because I don’t floss; the blood is busy fighting the plaque that I refuse to take care of nightly with a strand of pure evil wrapped around my fingers. Well if the blood is fighting the plaque, then why do I need to help it by flossing? In fact, why are you releasing it from my mouth? You son of Hitler, allow me to keep what is mine! I shall not floss! Damn you and your propaganda you hand me about proper flossing techniques with pictures of smiling teeth! And your ‘services’ cost so much money, I might as well just take care of my dental hygiene myself. All I’ll need is a rusty nail, a mirror and some Listerine. Maybe I can get some big guy at the gym to punch me in the mouth! Oh dear dentist, I hope you are happy. To spite you I came home and filled my pearly white and blood red mouth with sugary snacks and did not swallow them for a long, long time. Then I drank Mountain Dew without a straw! I laugh heartily that I shall have the final say! And the next time I see you driving around in your Mercedes, take note as I flip you off and smile, oh how the smiling is key, with blood running from my gums and down my chin, representing the blood of a thousand unflossed souls!
One day my countrymen will rise and conquer you, Sir Dentist! In six months, we shall meet again!
Archived article by John Penning
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September 3, 2004
Even though tri-captain senior defender Scott Palguta has earned years of battle wounds, tough defeats and struggles, there is no doubt he’s ready for the men’s soccer team’s first game of the season tonight against Lehigh. “I still get excited for every game,” Palguta said. “We’re super fired up. Everyone’s been waiting for this game since the last one.” Justifiably so, since the Red last ended on a sour streak — losing six out of its last seven games in the second half of the 2003. But Palguta, men’s head coach Bryan Scales and the rest of the team are looking at the 2004 season as an opportunity to turn a new leaf — and the Red will hope to use tonight’s game to open the season on the right foot. “We want to win,” Palguta said. “I think we’ve had a really good preseason and that’s the bottom line — we want to turn this thing around.” The key to earning an important first win might rely on which team adjusts to the speed of a real game according to Scales. Although Palguta and other teammates went to scout Lehigh in a preseason game last week and are familiar with the Mountain Hawks 4-4-2 formation, tight defense and well coached side, Scales notes that both teams will suffer from the lack of real match play. On the other hand, the Red will benefit from new Ivy League regulations which enable it to start its regular season earlier. Although it has only trained for less than two weeks, Lehigh will also be playing its first match of the season — a fact, Scales said, that will affect both teams. “It’ll take us a little while to really get into a good rhythm,” Scales said. “We’re excited to start strong [tonight]. You can train and practice all you want but you only get better by playing games and so these games at the beginning of the season are very important.” Last season, the Red had trouble getting the ball in the back of the net — a problem which was especially highlighted when it only managed three goals in their last seven games. To add to the Red’s potential difficulty tonight, it will be going up against senior Lehigh goalkeeper Sam Bishop. Bishop, who was a second team All-Patriot League selection last year, allowed a stingy 0.64 goals per game — a Lehigh record. Yet, Scales is particularly confident that his team will be able create more scoring opportunities. Leading the line are forwards Nick Leonard and Kuda Wekwete — two players Scales predicts will cause problems for Lehigh as well as other teams this season. In addition, to stop the progress of the Lehigh attack, Scales is depending on the senior captain triumvirate of defenders Palguta, Peter Lynch at the back and goalkeeper David Mahoney as well as younger players looking for opportunities to move forward. “It is always difficult to break teams down that are organized and it will give us an opportunity to see number one, what type of attacking team we have, number two, what kind of imagination we can have in putting together combinations and get forward and get goals. And it will be a very good test for us to see how we can break down other teams,” Scales said. Lehigh, which earned a 9-4-7 record last season and appeared in the Patriot League’s championship game, shut out ten opposing teams in the 2003 season. Similar to Scales however, Lehigh head coach Dean Koski knows that it will take his team some time to shake off the cobwebs of the offseason. “It’s not going to be high level soccer,” Koski said. “I expect Cornell to be very technical, very organized and very competitive.” With seven games in September, it is especially important for the team to get to a good start, according to Mahoney — especially with rivals Syracuse and Colgate waiting in the wings over the next week. But, he and his excited teammates have faith in the squad’s abilities. “It’s definitely nice to get rolling and get off to a good start,” Mahoney said. “We’re definitely confident that we’re going to win.”Archived article by Brian TsaoSun Senior Editor
September 3, 2004
Welcome to the first of many lasts. For the last time, I have started another year at Cornell. For the last time, I have written my first column of the year. For the last time, I have let opportunities slip through my fingers, forsaken fun and friends for work, worried about the future instead of relishing in the present. Though it’s taken three years for this revelation to hit me, it could not be more poignant, because, for me and every senior, all we do this year will be the last time we do it before graduation forces us out of Cornell and into the rest of our lives. But, regardless of whether you just arrived on North Campus or simply moved back in to your old house, there’s no better time than now to appreciate this place and take advantage of every opportunity it affords. In part, the Olympics inspired me to this carpe diem approach, because, in sports, as in life, every second counts. Between the shot clock and the alarm clock, the first period or your first class, the 12th round and midnight, moments tick away and life unfolds. And, as the athletes competing in this year’s Games showed, those moments may come in the form of a hundredth of a second or mere tenths of a point, but they can result in lifetimes of wonder or pride. All of the athletes in Athens recognize the significance of these small margins, which for them mean the difference between gold and fourth-place. Gymnast Paul Hamm took home a gold medal in the men’s all-around, while his South Korean competitor left with silver because a judging error reduced his score by fractions. Rulon Gardener, the defending Olympic heavyweight Greco-Roman wrestling champion, won some precious metal in August, but not the kind he left with four years ago. Bronze isn’t bad, but one point — one move in one five-minute match — made the difference between a repeat and his retirement. Likewise, not one swimmer, diver, weightlifter, or walker takes for granted an inch of track or millimeter of balance beam. Whether in practice or the real deal, all give everything they have to win. But while the will to win joins these competitors across the board, one thing separates them harshly: time. For some, the Athens games marked the start of brilliant careers; for others, the end of golden eras. For the first time, the tiny country of Kiribati sent competitors to the Games. For the first time, women wrestled for medals. And for the first time, swimmer Katie Hoff, and basketball players Carmelo Anthony and LeBron James performed with the world watching. But for five members of the U.S. women’s soccer team who have played together for 15 years, and five-time Olympic sprinter Gail Devers, these Olympics may be their last. The women’s booters ended their stint on top of the world — the best women’s players ever. ‘Melo and King James, on the other hand, didn’t bring home the championship, but at least they’ll have another chance. I’m not sure which option I prefer. But, as is, I find myself left with only the former: one last shot to do it all and not much time to do it in. As new faces from North pour into Collegetown, we seniors will see the same friends we’ve had for four years. As the freshmen pick their classes, we will look for jobs and apply to grad school, with the day in May looming overhead. But, regardless of what happens, when one of my friends gets a job, we’ll hit the bars. And when one of them doesn’t, we’ll do the same, because this year really isn’t about results, it’s about time. Great times. Maybe it takes a time like this to grasp the importance of a moment and finality of a period. And this year, as the moments on my Cornell shot clock dwindle, I know how I’m going to play the game: like it’s my last. And, come May, I may have exhausted every last ounce of energy I can muster, but, like Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy, Kristine Lilly, Joy Fawcett, and Brandi Chastain, I will have left it all on the field and, hopefully, come away with a win. Everett Hullverson is a Sun Assistant Sports Editor. Chew on This will appear every other Friday this semester. Archived article by Everett Hullverson