November 4, 2004

Campus Couture

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Far, far away from cold, dismal Ithaca lies a land of warm sun, beautiful beaches and, of course, celebrities. While escaping to L.A. between prelims probably isn’t feasible, you can still bring a little piece of star style to Cornell. So strut your stuff wearing these items, and you’ll have that cute guy in your psych class asking, “Since when does Paris Hilton go to Cornell?” (Disclaimer: the authors are in no way responsible for any stalkers that may result from your our fashion advice.)


You are only 85 percent natural, and damn proud of it! Besides, who really cares if your boobs can float on water, or your smooth forehead is a result of bovine injections? You look great and you know it. So now’s your chance to let the whole world know that plastic is fantastic! And besides, where’s the fun in keeping them guessing?


From plodding along the wet Ithaca roads to wrapping this fabulous look from Ugg around your ass is as versatile as it gets. There’s no better way to protect your famous backside than with a soft and furry layer of shearling. And even if your butt isn’t insured for as much as J. Lo’s, we still believe it deserves pampering.


Partied a little too hard with Hilton and company last night? No prob! Slap these babies on, and you can hide all that redeye from booze. Or coke. Or whatever vice you use to drown out the fact that your last box office hit was during the Clinton administration. And there’s a bonus: They will protect your sensitive retinas from the blinding flash of paparazzi cameras.


When you’re a famous movie star, you’re not going to wear just any shoes. Only the big names belong in your closet — Manolo, Jimmy Choo … and Kate Spade! So forget the flip-flops, and put your Nikes away. For real star style, step into these FABULOUS shoes. We even recommend wearing these to the grocery store, because you never know when you’re going to end up in the pages of People.

Body Tape

Sometimes, “accidentally” letting a boob pop out is good for your career. Still, we don’t advise it unless you’ve been neglected by the tabloids for at least a month. (After all, desperate times call for desperate measures.) Besides, it didn’t work well for Janet Jackson, and she did it on national television. So if you want to be regarded as a “serious actress,” carry this magical tape with you at all times. Exerting a bit of modesty may not win you a popularity contest, but at least it won’t land you in the latest celebrity porn flick.

Archived article by Wendi Kane and Katie Azzaro
Sun Staff Writers