February 11, 2005

The Rant: V-Day

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I t is Valentine’s Day soon; and in honor of the holiday, I thought I would tell you that I love it. I know what everyone says. It’s just a commercialized holiday played up by greeting card companies to earn a few (or a lot of) extra bucks. But to Hallmark and all of the other Valentine’s Day conspirators, I say, thank you.

I love Valentine’s Day because when I muster up enough energy to take a bus to Target or Wegman’s, there is an entire isle devoted to chocolate wrapped in pink and red foil. Valentine’s Day is the only time of year that practically requires the eating of chocolate. The more you eat, the better. And who can go without “e-mail me” candy hearts? When do the “Facebook me” ones come out?

I love Valentine’s Day because Cornell has chosen to combine it with V-week, expanding the love to our vaginas as well as our friends, family and lovers. There’s just so much love to go around! And now, every girl is assured some reason to celebrate: whether it is that her vagina is strong and independent or that it’s getting lots of attention.

I love Valentine’s Day because if you’re a girl, you get presents: flowers, chocolates, cards, stuffed animals. And it doesn’t matter if you are dating someone or not. Everyone has that one friend who goes all out for “the girls” and puts together little heart-covered bags with red and pink confetti and a little note tell you why you’re the best friend ever.

I love Valentine’s Day because it gives you the perfect opportunity to say “hi” to someone you’ve had your eye on for a while. Valentine’s Day creates all sorts of events that require dates: Greek semi-formals, dinners out or random people keeping you company because all of your friends have plans with their significant others. The possibilities are endless.

I love Valentine’s Day because you can get back at anyone that has pissed you off over the year. Just go to Target and buy a nerf gun and wear a t-shirt that says “cupid.” Carry the gun with you and shoot at will when you see someone who deserves it. For added fun, use a water gun instead. Dye the water pink and scent it with perfume to get the real effect of the holiday.

I love Valentine’s Day because it is the national — no, international — day of pity. You can milk it for all its worth if you don’t have someone to celebrate it. It’s like half the world is your personal support group, and together, you will make it through the day until everyone finishes their chocolate and their heart-shaped helium-filled balloons deflate.

I love Valentine’s Day because it is the number one motivator (better than a new year’s resolution) to improve your life. There’s no other day when you’re so aware of what you don’t have and need. Gym memberships and “healthy eating month” can jump start you into March with next year’s Valentine’s Day in mind.

So there you have it. Eight reasons to thank your lucky stars that you live in a country obsessed with professing its love to anyone and everyone, at least one day of the year. On that day of flower petals and perfume, you can skip grumbling about work and cursing at people who cut you off and instead, spread the love.

Archived article by Becky Wolozin
Sun Staff Writer