February 18, 2005

Tissue, Anyone?

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As prelim season approaches everyone will begin flooding the libraries in droves. Every seat in the entire place will be taken at all hours of the day. Even the fishbowl in Uris library will be crowded. Not only that, the rest of February and the beginning of March will bring endless amounts of snow, sleet, ice and rain. All of these things, however, are not the reasons why I do not go anywhere near the library during these months. The reason that I never go to the library at this time of year is because of the snifflers.

Imagine yourself sitting at one of the nice tables in Olin library. The sun is shining down through the windows, and you’re actually gaining some headway on an impossibly long reading assignment. Just then, you are disturbed by the horrible and disgusting sound of someone’s snot. Every two minutes the same person continues to snort loudly, thus hindering any hope that you have of ever getting through your reading without cringing at the repulsive sound.

Ultimately you completely lose your concentration, hence making the whole library excursion worthless.

This is what it is like for me at the library. And it isn’t just in the library that I encounter snifflers. I have sat in enormous lectures with people who snort so loudly that I wonder how it is possible that the professor can get through the lecture without getting frustrated at the rude, lazy idiot who cannot get up off their ass and go get a tissue. It is so inappropriate and gross that I cannot help but glare at whoever is making the revolting racket, and hope that I can telepathically signal that person to tell them that they should really blow their nose before I stand up, leap across the room and smack them.

Don’t you people understand?! Tissues are made for a reason! Sniffling is a damn cycle; if you snort it up your nose, it is just going to come back down, and it is going to keep coming back down. I don’t understand how people can actually sit for hours and sniffle without getting annoyed at themselves.

There have actually been moments that I have considered going over to someone to explain to them that I have a lot of work to do, and that I am very stressed and I would appreciate it if they would please just blow their nose. I always stop myself, however, because I think that someone would think that I am completely crazy and then probably blow their nose just to spite me.

The situation that tops off all of the rest is the amazingly brilliant person who actually carries around tissues, but when sniffling occurs, takes out said tissue from their bag, and simply wipes their nose but does not blow, thus not actually succeeding in solving the problem. When I encounter one of these special people I assume it is a cruel joke that God is playing on me for amusement.

In conclusion, please blow your nose so we don’t have to hear your snot anymore, so you don’t look like a lazy moron who is okay with being horribly gross and so I don’t go insane.

Archived article by Amanda Hodes