March 31, 2006

'Big Baby' Anchors LSU in Pursuit of Championship

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Are you guys kidding me?

LSU (also standing for Louisana State University for you idiots and a pick of mine to make the finals) will win the NCAA tournament. I will give you four reasons.

First, the entity they call the “Big Baby.” Chris Mascaro? Wait, no, he’s way too fat. Olivia Dwyer? No, she’s likes melted chocolate chip cookies too much.

Glen Davis? Yes, he’s the one. LaMarcus Aldridge, Sheldon Williams and other great big men this year could not stop Davis, who is nicknamed “Big Baby.” The 6-9, 310-pound Davis has averaged over 20 points per game during the tournament and every so-called “solid” big man who is supposed to be in the NBA draft has been unable to even prevent the Big Baby from scoring and dominating in the paint. I doubt that anyone on UCLA or Florida (who I expect to beat George Mason) will be able to stop him.

Aldridge, who is expected to be a high pick if he decides to jump to the draft, shot 2-of-14, for example. LSU, because of its size and athleticism, will dominate every team on the boards and will get the advantage on both ends of the floor. This especially includes UCLA, which besides Ryan Hollins does not have any interior game.

However, obviously, Davis is only one person and it takes more than one star to win. Enter Tyrus Thomas. Thomas has been a force on offense and defense. He’s almost averaged a double-double this season and has lifted his game in the postseason. Against Elite Eight opponent Texas, he scored 21 points and recorded 13 boards, along with three blocks – providing an intimidating presence in the paint while being a reliable second option for the athletic LSU offense. He slams down more alley-oops than the Harlem Globetrotters and there is no college team that would be able to stop him – including those squads in the Final Four.

There is a third component, though, that is often overlooked and should be taken into account. That factor is the Tigers’ perimeter defense, which made Duke’s J.J. Redick’s new middle name “brick.” Against the Blue Devils and led by freshman Garrett Temple, Redick, a co-national player of the year, shot a mere 3-of-18 from the field.

Also, in the first round, LSU snuffed out Iona’s talented sharpshooters Ricky Soliver and Steve Burtt, forcing them to 2-of-14 from 3-point range. Furthermore, LSU’s second round opponent, Texas A&M, could not get any production from its best player, Acie Law, who shot 5-of-16 from the floor.

UCLA’s less-than-impressive guards Jordan Farmar and Arron Affalo will not get a sniff of the basket because of the Tigers’ defense, leading to the Bruins’ demise. Meanwhile, in the finals, assuming Florida is victorious, Thomas and Davis will stop Joakim Noah & Co. As many have said, “Offense wins games, but defense wins championships.”

Meanwhile, besides Davis and Thomas, LSU has many other talented players on the floor. Freshman forward Tasmin Mitchell has averaged 11.4 points and 5.6 boards per game. Meanwhile, junior forward Darnell Lazare scored 10 points each against Iona and Duke and provides a spark off the bench along with Magnum Rolle.

Finally, as seen in times past, a lot of situations come down to chemistry. Davis and Temple, for example, both played together at Baton Rouge’s University High School. Thomas and Lazare have known each other since they first played hoops with each other when they were six years old. The Tigers’ top-6 players are all from Louisana, and this contibutes and helps their understanding on the court – especially in close, clutch situations.

Per, your UCLA Bruins have no chance of beating LSU. I know you are a “wise sage” because of your age. But remember, Lew Alcindor and Bill Walton don’t play center for them anymore. And just for your information, John Wooden actually DOES NOT coach UCLA. That was when you were 13-years-old and still had a full head of hair.

Chris, they call you the “Beef.” but in the sprint football world, you’re like Refrigerator Perry when hitting the hole. The fact that you picked George Mason just reaffirms the fact that you idiotically think Shawn Chacon will bring your team to the World Series, Jorge Posada has the nicest backside in Major League Baseball and that you’d pleasure yourself watching Bernie Williams sing rather than Kelly Clarkson.

Olivia, although you proudly played varsity basketball for the Keene Tadpoles of the Keene Pee Wee league, you don’t have a jump shot because you watch too many Gerry McNamara and Noah videos. Just because you think Noah is hot doesn’t mean that Florida will win it all. Sorry chubby cheeks.

Big Baby and friends will win it all. Just accept it.

Brian Tsao is a Sun Senior Writer. Life of Brain will appear every other Thursday this semester.

Archived article by Brian Tsao