September 21, 2006

Disregarding Twain's Advice

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Mark Twain once said “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Contrary to this, in middle school, we learned that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Since this confounding counsel, we’ve learned that there are moments perfectly conducive to shutting up. Fortunately, we haven’t all learned this yet. Send the evidence to [email protected]. Thursdays in The Sun, and everyday at in corroboration with The Ear.

Girl 1: I can’t stand it anymore, I’m going outside to have a smoke.
Girl 2: You really need to stop smoking before you get cancer or something.
Girl 1: Well, I’d rather get cancer than be fat.

Girl 2: Like, and I thought MY ass was big…”
-Uris Library Dean’s Room

Frat Boy: Dude, did I tell you? I’m done with that freshman girl. I looked at her yesterday and she didn’t look that good. She’s got a good body and she’s mad skinny, but she’s got no face.
-Baker 200

Guy: And then he bought me a double shot of vodka
Girl: How big is that?
Guy: Uh, two shots worth
Girl: Oh…
– On the way to class

Girl: So I was thinking I would start eating carbs again.
Guy: What are you talking about? We got pizza last night. and then you got a doughnut.
Girl: Yeah, but drunk eating doesn’t count. You can’t control it.
Guy: Kind of like drunk sex?
Girl: Yeah, and you suck at it.
-College Ave
Popped Collar: Don’t let me forget to vote.
Mini Skirt : For what?
Popped Collar: I’m not sure, but I know I’m supposed to.
Freshman 1: So my professor is dreamy. In high school it was okay to pursue that, but I don’t know if that’s okay, here…
Freshman 2: Yeah there should be a Cornell handbook or something on that. There’s one for everything else.

Career Fair Attendee : Now I know how ugly people feel at parties.
Friend: Wait, what are you talking about?
Career Fair Attendee: Like, you know, people are trying to end conversations with you…