September 21, 2006

Disregarding Twain's Advice

Print More

Mark Twain once said “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Contrary to this, in middle school, we learned that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Since this confounding counsel, we’ve learned that there are moments perfectly conducive to shutting up. Fortunately, we haven’t all learned this yet. Send the evidence to Thursdays in The Sun, and everyday at in corroboration with The Ear.

Girl 1: I can’t stand it anymore, I’m going outside to have a smoke.
Girl 2: You really need to stop smoking before you get cancer or something.
Girl 1: Well, I’d rather get cancer than be fat.

Girl 2: Like, and I thought MY ass was big…”
-Uris Library Dean’s Room

Frat Boy: Dude, did I tell you? I’m done with that freshman girl. I looked at her yesterday and she didn’t look that good. She’s got a good body and she’s mad skinny, but she’s got no face.
-Baker 200

Guy: And then he bought me a double shot of vodka
Girl: How big is that?
Guy: Uh, two shots worth
Girl: Oh…
– On the way to class

Girl: So I was thinking I would start eating carbs again.
Guy: What are you talking about? We got pizza last night. and then you got a doughnut.
Girl: Yeah, but drunk eating doesn’t count. You can’t control it.
Guy: Kind of like drunk sex?
Girl: Yeah, and you suck at it.
-College Ave
Popped Collar: Don’t let me forget to vote.
Mini Skirt : For what?
Popped Collar: I’m not sure, but I know I’m supposed to.
Freshman 1: So my professor is dreamy. In high school it was okay to pursue that, but I don’t know if that’s okay, here…
Freshman 2: Yeah there should be a Cornell handbook or something on that. There’s one for everything else.

Career Fair Attendee : Now I know how ugly people feel at parties.
Friend: Wait, what are you talking about?
Career Fair Attendee: Like, you know, people are trying to end conversations with you…