April 1, 2007

Sun Office Burns Down

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Early this morning, the offices of The Sun were burnt to the ground.

No serious injuries were sustained, with the exception of an Asssociate Editor Emeritus, who re-entered the building after being evacuated to retrieve a Mexican flag of inestimable sentimental value. Upon being pulled from the building, the victim, who shall remain anonymous, was reminded that he had already retrieved the flag and could be heard lamenting the adverse affects of tequila on memory as the ambulance pulled away.

The cause of the fire has not as yet been determined, according to the Ithaca Police Department, but it is widely believed the fire was the result of arson. Several leads are being pursued.

“There has been a certain amount of tension regarding the refusal of the Board to approve use of the fireplace,” an anonymous editor said.

The Sun will be publishing from Cornell’s campus in Qatar until further notice.

Additionally, stressful conditions associated with putting out the paper have been suggested as motivation for the arson. Witnesses to the blaze have described a young man fleeing the scene, tearing an issue of the Sun to pieces and laughing maniacally.

The fire, unlike this newspaper, was unable to be put out, despite the greatest efforts of Ithaca firemen, resulting in the loss of priceless documents, ancient Sun issues, out-dated computer systems and a snack drawer valued at hundreds of dollars and infinite stomach satisfaction.

As to how this newspaper is currently in your hands when the office itself was reduced to ashes just this morning, The Daily Sun has not the faintest idea.