September 10, 2008

Zeitgeist, 2; Julie, 0

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Hello, darling readers and newbies:
Once upon a time, I had a column. Then, during the 6-week-long, Daily Sun hell known as editorial compet, I took a really long break. Now I’m back. Didn’t-cha just miss me?
For those of you who haven’t experienced the pain/plea-sure/antipathy that is my column, allow me to re-introduce myself: I’m Julie. I’m that annoying white girl with the curly hair, blasting Three 6 Mafia and Kate Nash from my car while the rest of you cool souls are probably walking along to Nas, Talib and (I hope to God not) Katy Perry.
I have an unhealthy obsession with television, particularly British television. And I have the tendency to dork out about how sex and sexuality are represented in TV — and probably make it as unsexy as possible in the process. Consider yourselves forewarned.
I also sometimes stick my foot in my mouth and offend people, when I’m really just making fun of myself. So I’m apologizing in advance. Sorry, y’all.
Whew. Now that the obvious self-pimpage is over, let’s talk about someone else shall we? Namely, my imaginary battle with Katy Perry.
I tend to live my life in a non-radio bubble, in an isolation created by that thing that hooks my iPod to my car. (What is that thing called?) Therefore, I didn’t actually have any idea who Katy Perry was; nor did I hear her “Oh my God, boys like when girls kiss” song until a few weeks ago. Which is lucky for her, because — as danceable as that song is — I may have killed Katy Perry by now.
Now, I have no aversion to girls kissing, and if someone wants to sing about it, that’s fine. I don’t know Katy personally, and if she’s trying to be all rebellious and pro-lesbianism, well, bully for her. I do have a problem with the music industry exploiting the bi-curiosity-is-really-hot thing in the same way that I’ve had a problem with the film, television and advertising industries who’ve exploited it for the past 10 – 20 years.
What I don’t get about the song is this: Is it supposed to be radical? Because the thing is, Katy, you’re like … ten, twenty years too late. The girls-kissing-because-it’s-hot thing is old news — walk into J.O.’s on any given night, or watch any bro/teen-movie from the past 10 years if you don’t believe me — so why is the fact that “[you] kissed a girl and [you] liked it” supposed to be such a big deal? I may have missed something, but did faux-lesbianism-for-attention die out only to make a re-appearance in the scene as retro?
Nah. So why is it, Katy, that you sing this song like you did something naughty instead of something kinda boring? Not only that, but — Madonna and Britney did it back in 2003 with “Me Against the Music” and it was a hell of a lot hotter. And as my good friend Sydney pointed out the other day — the taste of cherry chapstick is nauseating. Like wax, or crayons. Had she said, “the taste of your Bonnebelle Chocolate flavored Lipsmackers lipgloss,” then maybe I’d understand.
Same with the Lohanator — I applaud her, genuinely, for exploring her sexuality … but why is everyone in Hollywood still acting like it’s such a big freaking deal? The problem is, honestly, that more we see lesbianism or bi-sexuality or whatever is considered E! worthy, the more it’s treated as a joke, an exploitation, and an anomaly.
That’s not to say that, in about a week or so, someone won’t find me on top of a table at Johnny O’s singing “bum bum bum cherry Chapstick” at the top of my lungs. When that happens, feel free to call me a hypocrite — it won’t be the first time.
As long as we’re on the topic of things that annoy me, let’s talk about this obsession with Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, soon to be a movie. I’ll admit, I skimmed the book to see what the hullabaloo was about, and it was pretty blah. I did a very unscientific poll throughout bookstores this summer to see why they thought the books were selling out (some Barnes and Noble stores had wait lists longer than they did for Harry Potter) and the consensus is that the end of Harry left a hole in the world of science fiction goes mainstream. But why in the world did a pretty tedious teen-vamp-romance novel become that space filler? I won’t claim that J. K. Rowling deserves a Nobel or a Newberry for the series but, unlike Twilight, Harry’s readable. (And awesome.)
I’m not the person to ask, but I’m sure if you’re dying for your vampire fix (I swear, that was pun-not-intended), there are better options out there — try HBO’s new series True Blood, which at least features Anna Paquin.
Once again, zeitgeist — you win. I just don’t get you.