Since the beginning of time, delusional parents everywhere have been filling their kids’ heads with lies, promising that dreams come true if they just believe in themselves. With the power of positive thinking, anything can happen!
This whole belief system is way too passive. Dreams come true when you believe in yourself AND you drink heavily. This is the key ingredient in the formula that parents omit. Without aggressive alcohol consumption, your dreams are just dreams. Soaking them in ethanol is what makes them reality!
Which finally brings me to this week’s subject: the weather. If you haven’t noticed, it’s freezing, snow is everywhere and summer seems like a far-off dream. But what if we were to believe it was summertime? Would that make it summertime? No. But what if we were to believe it was summer AND drink like it was summer? Now we’re on to something.
Let’s make that dream a reality. If I dream that it’s summer, and I believe that it’s summer and I drink like it’s summer, it must be summer, right?
The Bikini Martini
3 oz. gin
1 oz. Blue Curaçao
1 oz. peach schnapps
Lime juice
1 tsp. sugar
One of the worst parts of winter has got to be the lack of nudity. We’re all bundled up under way too many layers of flannel (hey hipsters), down and nylon, trying to stay warm. Forget that. Live the dream. Bust out your shorts, bikinis and flip-flops and head to class as if it were the start of the year. Set up an inflatable pool in your living room and mix some Bikini Martinis, and in no time, that winter wonderland will turn into a beach paradise. Combine gin, blue curaçao, peach schnapps, sugar and a squeeze of lime juice in an ice-filled shaker. Shake well and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon peel. Hmmm … -10 degrees today. I think I’ll rock my birthday suit.
Cucumber Mojito
2 oz. rum
4 cucumber slices
6 mint leaves
3 lime wedges
1 tsp. sugar
Ginger ale
Since winter is cold, we all do what we can to stay warm: We sip hot chocolate, sit by the fire and throw back vodka shots between classes. This is entirely unproductive. In order to bring about some real hot hot heat, we need to stir up some refreshingly cold summer specialties. Only by tricking ourselves can we trick the weather gods. In a mojito glass, mix cucumber, lime, mint and sugar. Fill the glass with crushed ice and pour in the rum. Top with ginger ale and stir. Am I in Ithaca or Havana right now?
Summer Sangria
1 bottle of wine — can be red, rosé or white
All the fruit you can find
Sangria is to summer as mulled wine is to winter. Wine + fruit = always good. Without it summer just wouldn’t be the same. Pour wine into a pitcher and squeeze in fresh lemon and orange juice. Find all your favorite fruits and add them as well — literally add as many as you can: strawberries, grapes, watermelons, limes, everything. Chill overnight. Drink. Summa timeeee.
When I started writing this article, I planned to discuss how moderate alcohol consumption can give you the courage you need to follow through with your biggest dreams. Then I got a little drunk and decided that we would all be better served by a set of cocktails that encourage summertime nudity in the midst of winter. You’re welcome. RLD
Original Author: Milos Balac